Long-Distance Alzheimer's Caregiving: The Impact

For almost 2 years, my Dad was the focus of most of the conversation between my husband and me. What could we do to help or what could we do differently? When can we travel to the city where Dad and Mom live? What calls need to be made to connect Dad and Mom to community services? What are we missing in the lives of our own kids while we stress over all the things that affect Dad? Where is the balance of attention we need between Dad, Mom, and our kids? Then there are the differences of opinion between your spouse and you over how things are viewed and what needs to be done as well. Then there's this: What needs to be coordinated with other family members to help with Dad and Mom? In my case, the amount of texting, emailing, and phone calls between my brothers and me, and then Mom was extraordinarily massive.Coping with long-distance caregivingIt's mind-boggling! Caregiving from a distance consumes your life. Try as you might to not let it happen, your personal life and your relationships go on hold. It's very easy to say "don't let it get to you" or "just let it go" or "go for some supportive counseling." Much easier said than done. You use the strategies that have worked for you in the past to cope but often that's not enough. This situation is new and huge! Counseling is a great idea but who has time in all of this to go for counseling? How do you fit that in, let alone the cost?Tips from my own experience as a long-distance caregiverI really wish I had a great answer for you to all those questions and the best way to deal with them. From my experience, all I can say is this, look at what you've been able to do to help and be there for the person with Alzheimer's even if it’s from a distance. Write it down, read it often, update it, and then read it again.Remind yourself that you stayed involved, that you were there for your loved ones because there are people who would just throw in the towel and walk away - you didn't.Additional helpful reminders when caring from a distanceRealize, you can't fix everything. That's the hardest part.Sometimes your spouse and kids may need you more.In the midst of all the turmoil, keep talking to your spouse and kids so they know you will be back and involved with them as soon as you can. Remind them that you love them.Finally, make peace with yourself that you have done the best you can given the circumstances. And try your best to breathe.