Helpful Hints in relating to those with Dementia

Helpful Hints in relating to those with Dementia (September 10, 2024), Sharing Lessons Learned in 10+ years as a caregiver (a 2 min read)

I’ll start with my most critical conclusion / observation:

You can avoid reality. You simply cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality. In the past, l've made bad decisions when not focused on a critical relevant issue such as, because of ALZ, my LO is INCAPABLE of changing habits.

Choices are always either / or AND they have consequences.

By applying up to the minute lessons I have learned, I follow our ALZ Dr’s golden rule and choose the way I respond to my LO with a goal of minimizing the amount of MY time spent dealing with stressful incidents.

Conflict has repercussions. Because doing so causes anxiety and stress for my LO and for me, I will NEVER try to convince her to do something she does not want to do or expect her to change by doing anything she is incapable of doing - period.

Miscommunication will cause misunderstanding creating trust and dependability issues and other significant uncertainties and problems.

Understanding is consequential. Mood and circumstances govern choice.

I have also learned that, when status quo actions and behavior are acceptable, NOT to start new topics of conversation because they may upset, agitate, or anger my LO and risk unintended consequences.

Drama and Friction cause stress. For my LO’s (and my) sake I do my best to avoid both and, therefore, MUST prevent certain people talking to her because she gets stressed when she talks to them.

KEY MESSAGE:

My hero, my blind mother, told me: Ignoring or Denying Indelible Fact is Stupid and Undeniably Dangerous!!! She was 100% right.

I have learned that, even with the best intentions, You CAN'T solve a problem without proper context.

IN SUMMARY:

Please understand that your LO's current state of mind and capabilities can prevent change.

NEVER expect anyone to 1) act beyond their current capabilities or 2) change if they don’t find change to be in their current personal best interest.

Because unintended consequences are problematic, I try to determine if what must go right in the future can go right.

Change ALWAYS requires different actions and brings some anxiety and stress to everyone.

Modeled Behavior, the best way to shape your children to be the adults you'd like them to be, simply CAN’T work with adults who have dementia.

Our ALZ Dr. told us "MOOD MATTERS and, therefore, learning new information OR a routine which people with dementia may not like or be capable of changing will bring additional unwanted stress along with undefined and unintended consequences and turmoil."

What I have learned, sometimes the hard way, is I must strive to avoid upsetting, agitating, angering, and stressing my LO by always choosing the least stressful alternative under consideration in that specific moment or risk unintended consequences.

Simply put, because conflict has repercussions, MY DEFAULT DECISIONS WILL BE TO AVOID ANGERING OR UPSETTING HER. My LO gets incredibly angry when she feels (in her words) I am disrespecting her.