What are alternatives to saying "remember"?
Words like, "remember" can be triggering to a person who is living with Alzheimer's disease. While the intention behind the word can be innocent enough - "Did you remember to take your medication?" "Did you remember to take out the trash?" it can sometimes be hurtful to the person who desperately just wants to remember.
We want to hear from you, what are some alternatives to saying "remember"?
I'm not sure but I go through this alot with my younger sister.. I just say sorry no since my breakdown I don't remember. It makes me sad sometimes and she doesn't understand. What would be some other ways to say remember"?
This is a sentiment that we hear a lot in our community and I think it is hard for both sides. I'm sharing an article that our team member, Holly, wrote https://alzheimersdisease.net/living/being-asked-to-remember. Holly was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years ago and shares her experiences in hopes to help others. Take a read - I think it will resonate with you. And, I'd love to hear other community members' suggestions for alternatives to "remember." Sending you my best, Patty, Team Member : I recall trying to stay in the moment when talking to my father, especially with his short-term memory issues. Dad could easily recall past experiences and stories from his childhood, but asking him to remember to do something rarely occurred independently. I did my best to speak with Dad in the here and now and show him examples and things to do instead of saying, remember. For example, instead of saying remember, it's time to brush your teeth, I would show him his toothbrush and guide him to the bathroom to complete this task. Nancy Team member
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, I love that! It doesn't bring anxiety with it, and it brings many opportunities to connect and talk. How does this work when you use this with your loved one? - Warmly, Donna (Team Member) Hi there! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on another way to say remember. I like this statement. Are you a caregiver or a loved one to someone with Alzheimer's? Respectfully, Nancy Alzheimersdisease.net Team Member
Say the statement w/o saying remember. If the person remembers, generally I (the alz person) adds/contributes to the conversation, there's an obvious lift in my expression and I make an effort to expand the conversation. If I don't remember I try to listen intensely while hurting on the inside and wanting to run.
, thank you for sharing your perspective. Do you get the same hurting feeling if the word remember is not used? I like your method for a couple of reasons: first if it saves stress and emotional pain, that is a plus, but it also requires the other person to be more engaged in the conversation, and more tuned in to their conversation partner. - Warmly, Donna (Team Member)
I hate the "remember" word. I wish we could just take it out of our vocabulary when our loved one has a been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease! It is just a simple thing to most people but is a monumental thing to me. No, I don't know you name or even you face but I do love you and I hope that is enough. @ DonnaFA
Hi. Thanks for sharing. To me, love always wins. I agree with that engaging in conversation is essential. No matter what you talk about or share, to tune in and offer respect, care, and support means so much. With peace and respect, Nancy Alzheimersdisease.net Team Member 💜🕊️ , that line is so important, "No I don't know your name, or even your face but I do love you and I hope that is enough" - and I wish everyone could hear it - it's something that I've said many times quoting the great Maya Angelou - they may forget your name or face, but they never forget how you make them feel."
For me it never mattered if someone could call me by name, it was the way they looked at me or relaxed when I greeted them - so for me, yes, it is enough. - Warm (((hugs))), Donna (Team Member)
