Letting Hospice In: A Daughter's Perspective on Her Journey with Hospice Care

My father’s hospice journey came with many ups and downs. From the moment we got the call that things had changed to the peaceful calm we found in his final days, I want to offer an honest look at the transition to hospice care and what my experience was like.

The call

When my phone rang, I was feasting on fresh blueberries, thinking Dad would have liked this treat.

Picking up the call, I heard my sister's voice explaining that Dad was in an ambulance on his way to the hospital from his assisted living home.

Upon receiving her news, I grabbed a handful of essential items and dashed out the door. I hugged my husband tight, who had set my GPS for the hospital Dad was being rushed to.

The drive

An hour into the drive, my sister called and assured me Dad was in good hands. During my drive, all I thought about was Dad. What were the doctors observing, and what tests were they performing? I could only imagine how scared he must have been. I know that my sister would have told the doctors about Dad having Alzheimer's.

The hospital

As I located Dad's hospital room, my sister explained to the doctors how the nurse at his care home found him accumulating food in his mouth and that he couldn't swallow. Upon hearing this, I recall noticing changes in Dad's eating habits. His appetite had been lessening, and he was provided with softer foods after talking with his caregivers. Within weeks of this change, Dad preferred Ensure-infused milkshakes and juice.

The doctor assigned physical therapists to help our father sit up and walk, but these tasks were impossible. As Dad rested, he received pain relief as the doctors completed their tests. The caring nurses gave Dad sponge baths, turned him in bed to prevent bed sores, applied chapstick to his lips, and offered liquid droplets of juice and water to his mouth.

During our father's stay at the hospital, he was relatively unresponsive. He kept his eyes closed and lay still. Sometimes, he'd mumble unrecognizable words, open his glossy eyes, and stare. It was hard to witness, but we comforted him by holding his hands, telling him we loved him and that we were near.

As our father's hospital stay turned into a week, I couldn't help but recall the past few months when Dad and I feasted on ice cream and took walks in the woods. My heart longed for his vibrancy.

The doctor's advice

I remember the doctors informing us that it was time for our remaining family members to make their way to him, which they were desperately trying to do. Arranging for dog and house sitters, work release requests, and scheduling flights was no easy task, but in the end, we reunited as one.

Upon hearing the doctor's news, I wondered if it was Dad's time to enter his end-of-life journey. I wasn't waiting for this, but now that it was possibly near, the emotions and stress on my body were taking their toll.

The gathering

After reviewing our father's legal papers, I recall when my parents scheduled a family gathering years ago. One part of this gathering was to meet with our parents' lawyers and complete paperwork for their care as they aged or became too sick to advocate for themselves. While these family conversations evoked emotion, they were essential to fulfilling our loved one's wishes.

The documents

Once everything was notarized, my sisters and I were provided copies of our parents' legal documents. There were never any questions about not honoring our parents' legal paperwork. We respected our parents' choices as they continued to live.

The news

Learning from his doctors about our father's failing health, a team of social workers introduced themselves to our family. From this team of caring professionals, we learned about options for our father's care.

As our family gathered to talk, the choice of letting hospice care into our lives was based on our father's wishes. There was a sense of peace in knowing we would honor him.

Accepting hospice as a caregiver

Once we moved forward, the social workers shared a list of hospice care homes. They also provided brochures and contact details for those with questions. The social workers helped us navigate our father's medical insurance and updated us on their conversations.

When a hospice home was located, the social workers kept us informed as we were preparing for our father's arrival. All of our father's legal documents were shared with the hospice home.

As our father was settled into his room, the hospice nurses comforted him by providing medication. The hospice home was a peaceful environment. The lights were dim, and we spoke in soothing voices.

My sisters, mother, and I rarely left his side. We were always welcome at the hospice home, where caregiving was 24/7. Our chosen home for Dad provided everything he needed to be kept safe and comfortable.

Dad’s home at hospice

During our father's time in hospice, he spent his days in a place of comfort and peace. The nurses and doctors were gentle and kind, and they eased Dad's pain and met our emotional needs.

The caregivers' offerings to our father, which included gentle bathing, clean sheets, guided shifts on his bed, bringing water to his lips, and abundant shared prayers, ensured us that Dad was loved and cared for beyond measure.

The volunteers at the home were gracious. They fed our tired bodies with meals, sewed teddy bears, and gently placed them in the arms of each patient. The common spiritual space offered loved ones a place to reflect and pray.

The unknown

As I was learning, one is unable to predict how long a loved one may be in hospice care, and all one can do is take it one day at a time. Loved ones whose spouse, parent, family member, or friend need to work hard to allow themselves grace as they navigate their mixed emotions. Having family and friends close by for comfort and support helps.

Prayers and peace

Before our loving father's passing in his hospice home, a chaplain was requested to visit and pray for him. As we gathered to honor a man we all cherished and loved immensely, we always reassured our father that we were near. We spoke to our father about beautiful memories as he lapsed into unconsciousness. We shed tears, and as our hearts ached into oblivion, we were proud to offer Dad peace.

Gratitude and thanks

Our family will always be grateful for the support and care given to our father by the caring and supportive medical and hospice care team. They helped our family to support our father's wishes as he lived his final days with dignity.

I end my story by sharing a quote that resonates with our loving and caring family. May it bring comfort to you.

"The quality of life is more important than the length of life." – Martin Luther King Jr.