Words To Live By: Advice from My Mom With Alzheimer's

When you ask my mom a question, you never know what she is going to come up with. She is an extrovert in that she is definitely a “think out loud” kind of thinker. With vascular dementia and likely Alzheimer’s, words are becoming harder to find. Her speech therapist has helped her tremendously to come up with workarounds. She describes the item or tells how to use it. It is up to us to fill in the blank or coax her to it. She doesn’t use “thing” or “stuff” as a place holder nearly as often anymore.

Making my mom's birthday special

It was recently her 82nd birthday this summer. My kids had planned an elaborate birthday party for her with our little family of four plus one (plus two if you count Grandma and the dog). There was a sash and crown proclaiming Mom the birthday girl. They made a Perry Mason t-shirt with some iron-on transfer paper. He is her favorite TV personality. She watches him faithfully every day. They made her a Perry Mason piñata using a Spiderman piñata that my son painted black for his hair and suit, then glued on a printed face and created an origami folding of paper for his collared shirt and suit jacket. He even glued on buttons.

The piñata was the pull-string kind. They didn’t make Grandma swing a bat to destroy it. Basketball had been her game, anyway. Perry Mason was part of her gift. He was filled with her favorite candy and drink mix packets. Grandma’s pleasures are simple ones. There were Andes candies, Great Value “three leaves” ice tea packets without lemon, and Ritter Sport Dark Chocolate and Marzipan candy bars.

I was so impressed with my kids. They had gone to so much trouble for G-ma, as we refer to her in texts. She was tickled pink! She is uncomfortable being the center of attention. My kids are in their early twenties. They are not too far from the world revolving around them. It’s a lovely thing to be seen by another, that they know you well enough to know your favorite things. G-ma has lived with us for eight years now. They don’t see her as cramping their style, as they may have once, they see her as charming and loving, which she is.

Words of advice from someone with dementia

As we sat around the table on the patio finishing our Cracker Barrel catfish dinners (another G-ma favorite) by eating their chocolate Coca-cola cake, my daughter asked her grandmother if she had any words of advice. We all stopped eating to listen, wondering what she would come up with, hanging on her words (we do that a lot these days). After a short pause, she said, “Do your best. Forget the worst. And love people…starting with Jesus.”

Those are good words to live by. We were all impressed. Mom was a little startled and impressed with herself, too! That was pretty good! I think she is liking being 82. The kids had a lot to do with that. With Alzheimer’s, you worry so much about forgetting, really forgetting the best. What important thing is being forgotten now? I hadn’t thought about forgetting the worst. Let’s do that, and let’s do our best. And love…(I like starting with Jesus.)