Assisting With Communication

I am a highly functional person living with Alzheimer's disease. If you are around me for a short period of time, you probably wouldn't know I have it. I am good at hiding it.

I am good at not putting myself into situations that make me look bad. Until I am not. People often ask me for suggestions in communicating with people with Alzheimer's. Hopefully, some of these examples will help.

Reframing communication

Recently, I found myself in several situations I had to work out. I was having a conversation with someone that became increasingly hard for me to follow. Long drawn out conversations about who said what and when this happened are discussions I cannot have. 

The person I was having the conversation with did not realize that I was not following along until she started asking me questions and I probably looked at her like she was speaking a foreign language. Then she started saying, "Remember when..." I don't always "remember when" because I have Alzheimer's.

Asking me if I "remember when" makes it much harder for me because I start to panic, and do not want to look stupid because I don't "remember when".

My suggestion would be to say something like, "It reminds me of the time we did this," or "I can recall a time we did this," or "Janice was with us when we took you to the store and you bought some candy you liked."  If that doesn't help with the conversation, move on to something else, it is not that important.

What you can do

Try not to get upset or mad at me if I am not responding the way you think I should. Perhaps I am not understanding what you are trying to ask or tell me. I am not doing it on purpose.

Try to keep your voice cheerful and smile. This is a lot to ask when dealing with someone with Alzheimer's, but you might get the outcome you desire if your approach is different. It is harder for us to change the way we relate to you, than it is for you to relate to us.

If you feel that a person with Alzheimer's is confused or disoriented, it is okay to say, "Would it be okay if we came back to this task?" Or, "Let's take a break and take a walk." Or, "Would you like to rest awhile where it is quiet?"

Flexibility is key in trying to distract or assure us that it is perfectly fine to take a break.

Assisting individuals with Alzheimer's in communication

When I face a situation that I am having a problem with and the person that is around me doesn't know I have Alzheimer's it is difficult to know what to say – for both of us. This past week I was having a difficult time doing something and someone asked me why that was difficult for me.

I was embarrassed by my response, but it worked for me in the moment. I said, "I have a neurological disease and it prevents me from doing this." The gentleman said to me, "I am sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do to help?" I told him no and thanked him. 

Since I was obviously having a little problem I realized if I had told him I had Alzheimer's disease, I wasn't sure I could deal with a negative reaction. I am not sure I would have gotten it from him, but it happens quite often. I was not sure I could handle it at that moment in time. I usually don't shy away from telling people about my disease, it is just sometimes you have to do what you have to do.