What's the Best Approach to Communication?

By Kris Bakowski

2 min read

People sometimes come up to me and ask for advice on the best way to communicate with someone in the later stages of Alzheimer's. It is a tough question. How do you know if you are getting through to them? I'm no expert in Alzheimer's communication but I have given it a lot of thought.

Common sense

Although I am not in those later stages, I don't like it when people come up to me and shout at me. It is as if the louder they talk, the quicker I will "get it." Or, just the opposite happens - someone will come up and whisper to you like you are sick and frail. News flash - neither of these things works for me.

Best Alzheimer's communication practice

Even if you aren't getting any feedback or response, talk in a calm and soothing voice. I know it can be hard when the same question is asked over and over. Talk about things you have in common. Talk about things that were always important to the person with Alzheimer's. If it was important before, it may still be. If you used to share jokes and funny stories, share them again. Read an article from a magazine on a topic they were always interested in. Sing a song they loved. Tell them a fairy tale they used to tell their children. Page through a scrapbook of old photos and share stories that go along with them.

Variety in communication

Remember that there are many ways to communicate. Hold their hand. Light a scented candle. Wear their favorite perfume. Play the piano or just play the music they loved. Comb their hair. Sing. Take them outside for some fresh air and to hear the birds sing. Bring fresh flowers to enjoy the scent. Bring a beloved pet along. Share their favorite cookie.

Favorites then and now

In a sense, your surroundings can also be a form of communication. I have told my loved ones that when it becomes necessary for me to move into another living situation, that I want certain photos on the wall. I want my favorite chair. I want a part of who I am to go with me. I might not be able to tell them what I want when the time comes, but something inside me says that if those photos mean something to me now, they will always mean something to me. And my favorite chair will always be my favorite chair, regardless of what room it is in.

Remaining present

Most importantly, be present. Make a mental note if you find them smiling at something you said or did. Be yourself. Remember who this person was and enjoy your time together. Don’t get stressed if you think you haven’t gotten through to a person with Alzheimer’s. You never really know what gets through.

If you aren’t visiting a relative, know that the family of this person will appreciate your visits with their loved ones more than you will ever know. Stay in the moment and be present. Sometimes silence can be golden. What are your communication tips for interacting with a loved one with Alzheimer's? Tell us about your experience in the comments below, or share your story with the community.

How do you approach communication as a person living with Alzheimer's or caring for someone who is living with Alzheimer's? Share your tips with the community!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AlzheimersDisease.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Nikki Nurse Contributor
The best approach to communicating with someone who has Alzheimer's REALLY IS to be present and appreciative of the moment. People who have Alzheimer's often become distracted or lose track of time and being present can help keep their focus on what really matters: family members' love & compassion! I've also found keeping my tone light and 'normal' helps my mom to stay attentive to me. Thank you for writing this article, I think it gives such remarkable insight into better practices we can use with our LOWD.
CommunityMember416 Member
My Mom 12 years Alzimer stage in the afternoon can’t sit she likes standing and moving around What’s the way keep her contents 
1. Patty Day Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="CommunityMember416" user-id="4835294"/>. I am not sure I understand your question. Can you share a little more so that we can try to provide some resources? Best Patty (Team Member)
2. DonnaFA Community Admin
 Hi @CommunityMember416, sometimes there are clues in the past that help us understand what is creating anxiety in our loved ones. Does your mom get anxious around the same time every day? Was there some activity that she joined around that time of day? Is it an activity that you can incorporate into her days now - like reading, cooking, playing cards? You can also introduce items like fidget items, a doll, a stuffed toy, or even music that she really enjoys. You might also want to check out a book called "Contented Dementia" by Oliver James. He has some great tips in there to help everyone be calmer and less stressed. Please stay in touch and let us know how it's going! - Warmly, Donna (team member)
CommunityMember589 Member
I cared for my dad for 7 years on his Alzheimer's journey. We were not close in my teen years due to our family situation, but I always knew I was his favorite child. (aren't we all?) Your article on communication with a person with memory issues was spot on. In the early days, I would visit at his home, take care of his finances, and help him in any way I could. Once he was in a memory care unit of a residential facility, my hands-on list changed to being more present with him in order to keep him calm. After several months there, he was comfortable with the new surroundings, and my duties changed again. This phase lasted until he passed, and was the most rewarding, bonding time a daughter could ever have with her dad. I would take him for a drive almost every visit, and in the case of inclement weather, I would just sit with him, and engage with other residents. This helped a great deal, showing him the other residents were his friends. The facility had a wonderful staff who coordinated with volunteers who brought in activities like singing, art projects, telling stories, games, etc. Dad was not much for doing crafty things (he felt it was much to girly because mom used to do crafts), but when I was there, he would participate as best he could. We could talk and laugh about our expertise or lack thereof in our projects. It was a wonderful time together. In the beginning, my husband did not come with me, but as it became difficult to manage getting dad in and out of the car, he started coming along. They didn't have much in common, so I would play DJ from the back seat, playing all of the artists from the 30's and 40's that dad loved so much. Then I found a Polka station, and we would see dad's feet moving to the music! The lockdown in 2020 for COVID was absolutely the worst on all the residents who were used to having family members visit very often. Suddenly, there was no communication with each other, no family visits except through the window, in April, in Wisconsin. (think 30 to 40 degrees with brisk winds, and snow or rain!) Thankfully, dad was on the first floor! I took a stool with me, and would ring up my sister on a video call. But the lockdown was devastating on the residents' psychological well-being. That first month of the lockdown, so many residents passed from lack of the social lives they once enjoyed. I was blessed by an angel who let me on one evening as dad was near passing. I read Scripture to him, played his favorite songs, and just held hands and hugged till he was gone. I would say, though difficult, those years were some of the best times of my life, and I believe his life as well. 
1. amandajones Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="CommunityMember589" user-id="5839797"/>, that's so sweet. I am so glad you will have those memories with your dad, and I know he cherished that time together. I would strongly encourage you to navigate to our stories section - <a href='https://alzheimersdisease.net/stories' target='_blank'>https://alzheimersdisease.net/stories</a> and share there as well. Your situation and how you handled your dad's transition between each of these difficult phases is an inspiration. Sending you hugs, Amanda (Team Member)

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