Coaching Through My Alzheimer's Caregiving

I have always loved sports. Ever since I was a kid, if I could keep score then I wanted to play. Growing up in California, I played baseball year round and a basketball was never far from me. I could throw a football with the best of them. I was in organized leagues and on school teams. I always respected my teachers, but I adored my coaches. After all it was their job to make me better at what I loved doing most.

Coaches not only taught me about my particular sport, but they also instructed me about life. Many of my greatest life lessons were learned on the fields, diamonds, and courts of Los Angeles. So, it was not a big surprise that one day I would be coaching in some capacity. Whether it be in recreation leagues, summer camps, or on school teams, I was drawn to helping others reach their potential. It was less about winning games and more about mentoring young people to succeed in life.

The purpose of coaching

Coaching is about finding the best in people and bringing it out. It is about helping them reach their maximum potential. It is about life change and betterment. All good coaches understand how to motivate. They know for some it is about encouragement. Others need instruction. Still others need strong correction and discipline.

At the end of the day, coaches win when their players improve and their teams make progress.

A couple of weeks ago, I found myself in a bit of a predicament. It was the first time I had to help my loved one with Alzheimer's change her clothing. More precisely it was in the morning and she needed a new disposable undergarment. There was no one to assist me and it had to be changed.

Working together

My mother-in-law had been able to do this by herself and then all of the sudden she couldn't. Her ability to do so just vanished. So, I put my coaching hat on and try to walk her through this. She was wearing a long night shirt that covered her up so that was not an issue. I tried everything.

I modeled the behavior by actually putting the pull up on over my shorts and then slipping it down and off. That didn't help. I offered encouragement by telling her that we could eat breakfast when this task was done. That didn't work. I tried telling her that the food was getting cold and that we needed to get moving. That was a fail. I mimicked the actual steps required by pointing to the clothing that needed to be removed and pretending to pull it down and off. She didn't get it.

I tried almost every coaching tool in my chest. Nothing worked. How could I get her to change? Was I now a terrible coach?

It seemed easier to teach an 8 year old how to shoot a basketball then what we were trying to accomplish. Eventually, I had to just get her started by gently pulling it down and then she understood and could finish the task. She sat on the bed and I slipped the new garment over her feet and she pulled them up herself. We succeeded!

Alzheimer's caregiving and coaching

Here is what I learned. Coaching my mother-in-law with Alzheimer's is going to be a hands on experience with many things. Telling and showing may not be enough. Encouraging with words may have limited success. I remember when I showed my daughter how to hit a softball. I actually held her hands as she grabbed the bat and we swung together.

I think this is how it is going to be moving forward. I know I can do this. I am a coach and it is my job to help her succeed. Do you find yourself using coaching skills these days?