The Times, They Are A-Changin’: How Dementia Progresses Over Time

I was listening to Bob Dylan’s anthem for the first time, recently. The first lines got me:

Come gather 'round people, wherever you roam
Admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone
For the times, they are a-changin’

My mom has vascular dementia, and likely Alzheimer’s. The times are a-changin’. I can’t stop it, and even with meds, I’m not sure it’s slowing down. It’s hard to accept it, but if I don’t, I will squander the time I have, and it is worth saving. That’s the place I have to come to. It’s real. It’s messy. It’s worth it. So let’s get to swimming.

How times are changing for me

Everything in my life is changing. 2020 has been nuts, am I right?! The irony is that 20/20 is considered perfect vision, but no one saw this coming. I am smack in the middle of kids moving out on their own, leaving my nest pretty empty. My mom lives with us, so it’s not going to be that empty, which wasn’t what my husband thought this stage of our lives would be like when he said his, I do’s.

The acting jobs we enjoyed have all but dried up, leaving us wanting for that income. To top it off, we decided it was time to move back down state. Our house is paid for, but let’s take on a mortgage! Yipee! The times they are a-changin’!

Moving to a new home with someone who has dementia

I was not eager to break the news to Mom that we would be moving. She really likes it here. She is comfy. She could drive herself to the store and her various appointments, at least until COVID-19 started. She hasn’t been behind the wheel in months and barely out of the house. It will make keeping the keys a little easier.

How do I do this to her? The familiar things are becoming unfamiliar, and I’m about to make everything unfamiliar. How do I do this to her? That is the accusing question that plagues me. It’s really not a fair or kind question. We are moving to be closer to where our kids end up, and for better job opportunities. We have friends there still, a community. I believe, in the long run, it will help all of us. It will be good for mom to still get to see her grandkids, and not just at holidays.

We have been going through so many bins of stuff in preparation for this move. I have found pictures in old yellowing photo albums. Once we get settled, mom and I are going to put them in a new album. That will be our project. I’m thinking of things we can do together. I have a list of restaurants for us to try! We took her to visit and look at houses. We went to the beach. Mom ended up getting drenched to the bone! She had a good laugh about it! I want to be intentional in this time. It’s a-changin’. There is still time for good.