Who Designed This House, M.C. Escher?!

I could also entitle this article, “House Hunting When You Have ‘Issues’.” I am so frustrated and am feeling enormous pressure. We moved back to Long Island from Buffalo three months ago. We have a good deal on a rental, but the owners want to sell in the spring, and we don’t want to or can’t be here when they do.

I am feeling guilty that we pulled Mom out of her comfortable home with us during a global pandemic and into a rental in a new town where we are not established patients of anyone. She could have had a COVID-19 vaccine already had we stayed. I was waiting to find doctors until we found a permanent home. Thankfully, her old doctor could still call in an antibiotic she needed since we are still in the same state. She can also continue with her speech therapist for the same reason. I did break down and get my hair done. It seems the shallowest needs are more easily met. Oh, and we found a vet due to a dog emergency.

On the bright side, we are all spending more time together, and the kids (actually young adults) are pitching in with Gma, as they call her. They help her get her TV working and check to see if she has taken her meds or call her for supper. We have been doing a lot of puzzles together, which we rarely had done, Gma included. It’s very good for her! My guilt subsides.

Searching for a permanent home

I have been the house huntress, trying to find us a permanent home. I feel like such a home diva with crazy, outrageous demands. They must be. Like, I want a house with a flat yard, so Mom doesn’t have to hike up and down a hill (more likely tumble down) to come and go. This area is very hilly. I found the hills in Dix Hills. I never noticed it before. And, can I have flat ceilings? We have hit our heads too many times on these steeply pitched ceilings, or are they slanted walls? Mom said she would like a “square room.” Sad! Is that too much to ask?

There are so many splits, back splits, side splits (not funny), splanches, and high ranches. What they have in common is so. many. stairs! Old MacDonald had a house, with stairs here and stairs there! Mama is just ok with stairs. Our search criteria with our realtor include a first floor bedroom and full bath. I’m such a diva. Peel me a grape! We may have to settle for a powder room. Mama will have to hike some steps once a week to take a shower. It’s not my idea of hygiene, but it’s not the hill, or steps, I want to die on right now.

One day. Stairs may be out of the question for Mom. She is in a bedroom on the second floor right now. She only comes down, slowly, twice a day. We don’t go out much in the era of COVID-19 anyway, and there is currently over a foot of snow outside. She is more or less safe, but I feel guilty, again, that she’s up in her ivory tower. She’s content, but I’m not.

Challenges of finding a home for my mom with Alzheimer's

Let’s not get me started on all the sunken living rooms, dens and dining rooms, and funky transitions between flooring materials. Why do you need an obstacle course in your house?! None of us needs to train for American Ninja Warrior! I read an article where a woman’s mother who had Alzheimer’s disease missed the step down into the living room, that she had done for decades, and ended up falling and breaking a hip or leg and never recovered. One person (or some psychotic architect from the 60’s) sees a cool design choice, I see a death trap! We won’t even talk about the wacky bathroom placements for my son with IBS.

Houses are very expensive here. You pay a premium to live so close to the Big Apple on an island in the Atlantic. As a friend said, you first have to decide if it’s worth it. Everyone knows it's crazy, but that’s the price you pay. We are here, so that first crazy decision is made. I need to make sure that this house we are going to pay a king’s ransom for will meet our ever-shifting needs. What we are ok with today may be a stumbling block tomorrow. That’s a tall order, so I need to be a clairvoyant diva. I advocate for Mom in her doctor’s appointments, with her finances, and now in where she’s going to live. The hunt continues.

Lord, give me strength and a good house!