When the Day Finally Arrived, It Was a Family Affair

I always felt that there was a chance that my father would wander away, but never as far as he did. Dad must have become fascinated by a bird taking flight because a couple of minutes later, as I headed outside to lend him a helping hand, Dad was nowhere to be seen. I scanned the yard and shouted for him, but my calls were unanswered.

Luckily, my mother and sister were home, and I yelled for their support before bolting to my car and scouring the streets. Driving cautiously, I couldn't find him. Dad was missing, and my heart sank into my stomach.

When Dad wandered off

My mother, sister and I continued calling Dad's cell phone, but our calls were unanswered. We always ensured Dad had his cell phone clipped to his waist belt. Now, we wondered if it had become unclipped.

Eventually, my mother had my father on the line, seemingly safe. Grateful to hear his voice, she asked him to describe his location while she continued to talk with him until the police arrived. As soon as the officer located him, he called us and shared that Dad was unharmed and had a firm grasp on his bucket of birdseed.

As the police car pulled into the driveway, we couldn't help but cheer. As Dad exited the police car, we all embraced him with a hug. During our reunion, I knew this wouldn't be the last time Dad would wander away. He had gone off on his own before but had never gotten lost.

Dad was outdoorsy and enjoyed nature, walks, animals, and birds, but his short-term memory lapses from Alzheimer's and wanderlust made for a challenging situation. Now was the time for our family to decide what to do moving forward, as safety, security, and dignity were at the top of our to-do list with caring for Dad.

Talk it out

As the day wound down, with all of us enjoying Dad's presence and keeping a much closer eye on him, my sisters, mother, and I decided to talk while Dad devoured his family photo albums. We chose not to have Dad involved in these early conversations to lessen any anger or confusion he might experience.

While this mother-and-sister conversation wasn't our first, we thought it best to begin locating a home away from home for Dad. It would need to be a peaceful place where Dad could roam relatively free under the care and guidance of trained care professionals.

Starting the process

As we started the process, we needed to locate experienced caregivers to ensure Dad's safety and well-being. We always wondered if we could do better because we were family, but Dad's needs were growing, and with our own lives and family priorities, it was harder for us to provide the care.

It took patience and careful listening to move ahead with exploring the options. We worked together amicably and lovingly, even when tears flowed and voices were raised.

Do your research

Our research started by scouring the internet for assisted living homes that catered to Alzheimer's patients and fit the family budget. After a detailed review of the offerings, we narrowed down a handful of residences near the family home.

We learned more about the staff-to-patient ratio and their staff's clinical training. We discovered meal options, the types of rooms, and daily activity choices. We also became aware of the different levels of care and what these options consisted of.

We had a list of questions, and when we were ready, we scheduled tours and met with the management to discuss pricing and move-in dates.

Tours and tugs at the heart

The scheduled tours often included morning visits and a complimentary lunch. During our initial visits, we chose not to have Dad visit until we narrowed our search. Most tours included a stop at the dining room, a standard room, the activity room, and the central courtyard.

Each tour allowed us to try a meal, and from our time in the dining room, we appreciated how the dining staff brought water to the residents in cups with lids and straws. We also liked that the staff cut food into bite-sized pieces for needy residents, which we knew would be helpful for Dad.

There was a range of stimulating yet calming activities for the residents. Knowing that Dad could participate with encouragement from the activities director, we knew he would be able to leave his room for conversation and movement.

Our family was grateful that the management was not rushing us to leave. Each step we took throughout each of Dad's potential new homes tugged at our heartstrings because Dad was now at this needed level of care.

What we looked for

During our visits, we paid close attention to cleanliness, safety apparatuses, space for movement, and what the outdoor area consisted of. A few places had pet cats, and some had enormous fish tanks for residents to admire and feed.

As our family began to feel comfortable with Dad's move, we would need to acclimate him to his new environment. Fortunately, the home we chose for Dad allowed us to visit, partake in a meal and activities with him, and step away to observe how he was doing without us near.

Reaching a mutual agreement about Dad's new home away from home, we addressed the large amounts of paperwork and contacted his healthcare team to speak with the doctor and nurses assisting with his care on-site.

Packing mementoes

When the day came, Dad chose a suitcase to pack. We encouraged him to pack things from around the house that could fit securely in his special bag. The talks and emotions Dad was expressing leading up to the move-in day lent us an understanding that, in some way, he knew that he would be living in a new home.

Each of us had a chance to stuff something extra into Dad's suitcase, including framed family photos, photo albums, and his stuffy collection. Packed in the car was an ample supply of bird seed that we donated to the residents and for Dad to fill the feeders.

We kept our conversation about his new home consistent and full of comforting thoughts. In the days leading up to his move, we assured him we would visit and take him on rides to the park for ice cream. After all, our decision was a family affair. We were committed and on board for Dad's new home.

Personal choices

Before heading to Dad's room, the staff placed a wristband alarm on. This device would beep if Dad tried to leave the main door. After setting Dad up in his new room and getting his recliner chair facing the window, he sat in it and sighed. Just then, the cat strolled in and jumped into Dad's basket. His smile with his instant new pal let us know this was a good sign.

It was helpful when it was time for us to leave Dad and have one of the care assistants transition him to a walk. We missed him when he turned the corner from his room. Walking toward the exit, we knew Dad would be well cared for. While many emotions fell over us in the coming weeks and months, we all made peace with our decision.

Making the choice was a family decision

Dad's battle with Alzheimer's was hard. Despite all the love, care, and combined support he received from his family, Dad lived each day to the best of his ability with positivity and shared constant smiles.

Looking back, we did all we could to navigate his disease. We learned something new each day and how to tackle the changes and progression. Before Dad's need for a final transition to hospice care, we observed that he enjoyed living at his new home, and we knew that this is what he would want us to do: share care and be free of worry over his safety.

Dad was a man who kept others safe. He always cared for the well-being of others before his own. Now, it was time for us to do the same. Dad was provided with peace and safety. We are grateful for all the care Dad received at his assisted living home. We are a forever appreciative family.