How Unconditional Love Prepared Me to be a Caregiver
Growing up, I was one of those gregarious little kids who had to tell everyone they encountered what they knew. Ever since I was little, I loved cars. I believe that love started around 1984 when my dad bought a Nissan Maxima. The car was different than any other for me because it did one thing the others didn’t. It talked! Really it just said things like “door ajar”, but for 3 year old me, it talked. I told everyone I knew, “My daddy got a new car and it talks.” My dad was a superhero as far as I was concerned.
Dad's superhero status dimmed a bit for little me though during my pre-teen and early teenage years. It seemed we didn’t connect on any level about anything. Sure, I knew he loved me but we seemingly had nothing in common. It seemed like everything I liked was an irritant to him so I figured he must not really like me and in turn, I didn’t really like him.
Dad's superhero status
That all began to unravel though when I was about 17. Grappling with my sexuality, I discovered I was gay, and the time had come for me to tell my dad. Talk about anxiety. I just knew it was going to be a disaster. But I’ll never forget what happened when I told him.
My dad told me that he loved me no less and just wanted me to be happy. Completely shocked, I didn’t know how to even really respond. But it began to change just how I saw my father. We still had some hurdles to overcome and bumps on my road to adulthood.
Our relationship grew over time
Around my senior year in college, all of our bumpy interactions would be forever erased. He took me on one of his business trips to Texas. One morning at breakfast he told me he wanted to apologize for how he treated me growing up. He said he had in fact been mad at himself for his divorce from my mom and he took out some of his frustrations on me. Again, I didn’t really know how to respond.
When he said he was going to apologize I just thought he meant for little insignificant materialistic things. But at that very moment, I saw my father completely differently. Instead of just being my dad he became my friend and our relationship blossomed beyond anything I could imagine.
My dad's Alzheimer's diagnosis
In 2015, my dad was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s disease. He was only 59 years old. A devastating diagnosis for anyone but at such a young age it seemed so unfair. I knew life had just thrown a curveball but I didn’t know the profound impact it would have on the rest of my life.
In the years to come, Dad would need increasingly more care and I became one of his main caregivers. It’s an awkwardly rewarding experience that gave me the opportunity to give back to him all of the unconditional love he showed me even during the years I thought we were at odds.
What I learned was that everything he did and was continuing to do throughout his battle was preparing me to be the best man I could be. Therefore, it was a no-brainer to return all of the care he provided me right back to him.
This past November, my father passed away from complications of his Alzheimer’s diagnosis. I’m still uncovering the lessons he taught me and discovering more about myself and him as I continue this journey of life and will forever celebrate him for what he gave me: Love!
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