How I Use Television to Engage My Loved One

For most of her adult life, television has been my loved one’s main source of entertainment. Whether it was soap operas, crime dramas, sports, or Johnny Carson, that little box was the social center of her world with her family.

I remember spending hours a day watching the 1992 Summer Olympics in her New Orleans living room. She ordered the Triplecast and had 3 televisions set up so she didn't miss a thing, including the United States Basketball "Dream Team" with Michael Jordan.

It was a way to connect on some very hot days and it continues to be a source of entertainment for her even though she is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.

Changing my view on television

She can spend hours a day watching just about anything these days. It's an easy way to keep her busy, but at times she has trouble understanding if the people in the shows are real or a part of a show. We assure her that it’s not real and it's scripted.

Recently, I have adjusted the way I view this time though. I no longer sit and watch quietly with her in a passive way. I started to realize that I can engage her in ways that no book or musical arrangement can.

Using questions and conversation to engage

I now see television as a way to practically engage her with questions and conversation. I ask specific questions about characters, such as, "Is this the good guy or the bad guy?" or "What did they do?." If these are too difficult in the moment, I ask, "Is that Perry Mason or Della?" I make things interactive by saying, "Point to the man wearing the hat." Or "Which one is a car?" Dramatic scripted shows provide endless opportunities for questions and interaction.

For sporting events I ask which team she is rooting for or which is her favorite team. I ask what the score is and who is winning. I ask about numbers and colors and actions. I tie these into past memories as my loved one played basketball in high school. I alter my questions to her level of understanding, which may change even during the game. Sports engages her emotionally and that makes it easier to engage her mentally.

Reality and performance shows also provide opportunities for questions, conversation and engagement. I can ask about which singers and songs she likes. We can sing along. I can ask her about who is the best and who should win. I can ask "who, what, when where and why" questions and whether she agrees with the judges or outcomes.

Things to consider

I like this approach because it engages so many of her senses. Television has sound, still and moving images, and storylines with outcomes and results. With cable, satellite, and the Internet there is no shortage of programming and the types of shows and entertainment that we can enjoy together. It is unlimited and I can be creative. Below are some things to consider when using television to engage a loved one.

What kinds of programming do you both enjoy?

If you really don’t like romance and relational genres, then you can move to something else that you all enjoy and focus on that. If you both like the programming it can help the engagement.

What questions are most effective?

You may consider moving from open ended questions (questions with many possible answers) to more closed ended questions depending on how your loved one is processing in the moment. I've found that if verbal cues are not effective, I can point to things or people on the screen and ask about them.

How can you connect?

You may also use television programming to present topics of discussion. My loved one loves birds, so I find birds in shows and point to them and tell her what kinds of birds they are.

Before you try this, watch a show and take notes. Write down very specific questions and points of connection in various programming and start with what feels most comfortable.

Encouraging communication

Television can be more than just a way to entertain our loved ones and keep them busy. It can be an enjoyable way to interact with your loved one and create an environment that encourages communication and stimulation. It just takes some planning and creative thinking.

What ways can you use television as you take care of your loved one?