The Second Best Time to Plant a Tree…

The Chinese proverb that begins by telling us that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago doesn’t leave us hanging with regrets and missed opportunities. It gives us hope in the latter part of the proverb that the second-best time is today. No matter what we did or didn’t do yesterday, we can still redeem today and make the most of it, for everyone's sake.

Making decisions as a caregiver

There are a lot of decisions to be made in anyone’s life. If you are the caregiver for one with Alzheimer’s disease, your decisions are multiplied. You want to make it easy on yourself where you can.

Along with my mom’s bank accounts, I was added to my mom’s credit cards. At first, I didn't want my own cards. I just wanted to be able to talk to them and pay bills. I do have my own card on her account now, so I can buy things for her without question. When I set up her cards and banking online, anything online really, I used my email address and phone number. Mom wasn’t good about checking her email when she was at her best.

You can get notifications of any unusual spending and can set them up with auto-pay on as much as possible. I don’t want to think about the nightmare of mortgage payments missed and donations made to who knows what organization that always seems to target the elderly. I know who my mom is committed to donating to. I made sure they are on auto-pay. The rest get recycled.

I don’t like surprises. Not when it comes to money or health. I set up mom’s appointments and keep them in my calendar. All of her doctors call me to confirm or reschedule. Mom and I write all of her appointments on her wall calendar, so she knows what’s coming up.

HIPAA, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, keeps health information private. Your loved one needs to list you as someone all of their healthcare providers can talk to, from dentist to podiatrist. Otherwise, they might not be able to talk to you or allow you to talk to them. You need to be able to speak honestly with your loved one’s healthcare providers and to hear the truth and discuss options. They can’t leave messages without authorization or share test results otherwise.

Preparing for those difficult decisions

There are also healthcare forms to fill out, like a Health Care Proxy. It allows the person designated to make healthcare decisions when the person incapacitated can’t, including what outstanding measures to take.

You may feel awkward or terrible talking about it, but those decisions need to be made long before any crisis that requires them. The form needs to be signed and witnessed. One of the nurses witnessed ours. I keep a copy in my wallet, and there is one on file at the hospital where mom had surgery.

I don’t want Mom falling through the cracks. I don’t want her to be at the mercy of this disease any more than she already is. I advocate for her at her appointments, and I have to advocate for her in her finances and overall healthcare. She can’t.

It’s not taking anything away from her except a burden. It’s keeping her dignity and solvency! This disease is sneaky. It’s easy to explain away at first, so we are reluctant to have these conversations. Before we are ready, we can find ourselves deep in the weeds.

If you didn’t plant well in the past, you can still start today!  Hopefully, your tree will be well rooted with a protective canopy by the time you need it most.