Dealing with Stress and Anxiety

By Lpcccc

1 min read

My wife has dementia but her doctor has not determined what type. At first he thought it may be due to hydrocephalus. He did a spinal tap with no positive results. Now he's looking at the possibility that it may be Parkinson's disease dementia. He started her on a low dose medication for 30 days, then will evaluate the results. I am suffering with stress and high anxiety.

Stress and anxiety

I am waiting for insurance approval for professional therapy/counseling. I am the sole caregiver with some assistance from family.

We live with our daughter and her family. Our daughter is unable to be involved due to her own health issues. My son in law and grandchildren are a great help but the majority of care is my responsibility. My wife has lost most of her motor functions and can't walk or stand without assistance. She uses a walker inside and a wheelchair when we leave home.

I am experiencing lower back pain caused by lifting her. I am very discouraged and feel helpless. I have a problem with being patient with her as she is very demanding.

Can you relate?

What helps you cope with the stress and anxiety from caregiving?

This is my story.

Help others feel a little less alone.

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elizabethsexton_hu Community Admin
<inline-mention username="Lpcccc" user-id="4230142"/> thank you for sharing your story. Your wife is lucky to have you be there for her. I'm sorry that her condition is deteriorating and that it is causing you so much stress, which is understandable. Have you thought about in-home help/ care or moving her to an assisted living facility? Here are some resources for finding care in your area: <a href='https://alzheimersdisease.net/answers/resources' target='_blank'>https://alzheimersdisease.net/answers/resources</a>. Feel free to message me with questions. We're here for you. I hope that you get approved for counseling. It is a big help to talk to someone else. Warmly, Elizabeth (AlzheimersDisease.net team member)
1. Kristin Martin Moderator & Contributor
 @Lpcccc, thinking of you. Hoping your therapy/counseling goes well today. Praying that it is helpful for you and that they can give you ways to reduce your stress and anxiety levels. Please keep us posted on how you are doing. We care about you. Reach out anytime. Blessings and Peace, Kristin Martin, Community Moderator 
2. elizabethsexton_hu Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Lpcccc" user-id="4230142"/> keep us updated <3
Lpcccc Member
I just finished a session with my therapist. It was somewhat helpful. She told me i must take 30-60 minutes a day for myself. That is easier said than done. She also suggested I see a psychiatrist and be treated for depression. I really don't want to take antidepressant meds. I did that several years ago and it took forever to find the right meds for that didn't have side effects. I will consider it but not too up for it. 
1. Kristin Martin Moderator & Contributor
 @Lpcccc, I'm so glad you got back to us. I'm grateful you went to therapy/counseling and that the therapist suggested spending 30-60 minutes a day on yourself. You are so deserving of this time. Remember, we can't pour into others till we have poured into ourselves. I definitely understand that it is easier said than done. But take it a little by little and eventually I hope you will be up to 60 minutes of "you time." I know finding the right medicine can be challenging. Maybe just go see a Psychiatrist and see what they have to say. You don't have to commit to anything right away. Most of all, be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can given the situation. Thank you for letting us know. We are always here for you. Please keep us posted. Blessings and Peace, Kristin Martin, Community Moderator
Lpcccc Member
Thank you. I will keep you updated.
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="Lpcccc" user-id="4230142"/> thank your so much for reaching out and sharing your story and the journey you are on with your wife. So glad to hear that you have been able to see a mental health counselor. From my own experience with both my mom and dad with Alzheimer's disease diagnosis, I too hard a hard time keeping my patience at times. It's normal, because we are human. We have emotions and for me it was absolutely terrifying to see my loved ones deteriorating before my eyes. Many times I felt helpless. Just know this community is here for you and it is so great you have a counselor to reach out to. Since you are the primary caretaker taking time for yourself is necessary. I at first didn't grasp this concept and often felt guilty when I did take time for myself. I finally realized I was the best caretaker when I took care of myself. I needed to eat, sleep, got out for a cup of tea, or take a walk sometimes. I have attached a great article by our editorial team regarding care giver burnout and tips to help you manage as a care giver. Hope you find it helpful. https://alzheimersdisease.net/caregivers/self-care Please continue to keep us posted. Please reach out anytime. I am glad your son in law and grandchildren are there to help you at times. Wishing the best for your daughter and your wife who are both dealing with their own health concerns. Sending virtual hugs! Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"
Nikki Nurse Contributor
<inline-mention username="Matthew-Ferry" user-id="2374386"/> I am sorry that you are going through this. Your frustration is valid and a completely natural response in this circumstance. I think one of the things that helps me as a caregiver is going to therapy and joining a caregiver support group. It's not perfect but it has helped a lot. I also read about meditation or deep breathing techniques, they seem fundamental to our mental health, they often calm my brain down after all day fatigue comes in waves for me too- which sometimes might spill out if I don't constantly remind myself to stay grounded through exercise, walks outside, etc. Nikki, Community Moderator~
Lpcccc Member
Thanks Nikki for your feedback. I try to get out for a few minutes everyday but it is difficult some days. Right now I am struggling with controlling my anger and not losing my temper. I guess I don't understand that my wife doesn't always understand what I ask her to do. After telling her the same thing everyday I get easily aggravated. I need to learn how to accept that she just doesn't understand and can't remember. I will discuss this with my counselor this week. Hopefully she will help me control my emotions and not get frustrated. Thanks again for your concern. Lynn.
1. Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Lpcccc" user-id="4230142"/> thank you for reaching back out to keep us posted. So glad my team mate Nikki's feedback was helpful. This is a large change. With change comes emotions. No one ever expects to have to see our loved ones deteriorate in front of our eyes. However, you are doing all the right things. trying to be there for your wife, you have sought out professional help, and you have reached out and now part of our <a href='https://alzheimersdisease.net' target='_blank'>Alzheimersdisease.net</a> family. Grieving the loss of the life you thought you would have with your wife is real. Anger is all part of that grieving process. Please continue to reach out to us anytime. Be gentle with yourself and know we are concerned and do care how you and your wife are doing. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"
Lpcccc Member
My wife has now be diagnosed with Parkinsons-dementia. So far the meds they have not helped. She had stiffness and rigidity throughout Her body. She can't stand or walk without assistance. She is very irritable and gets agitated very easily. She is now incontinent. Would appreciate any input if anyone is experiencing similar issues.