My First Experience With Agitation

By ALZsurvivorearlyonset

1 min read

Last updated: October 2023

Out of nowhere, as I was crying about the frustration I feel when I can’t remember things. I began throwing things around the room. It frightened me, as I never had that reaction. I didn’t remember the many patients I saw do this. Then I read a story from this site on agitation. Believe it or not, it calmed me down. Now I turn on music to change these moments.

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DonnaFA Community Admin
<inline-mention username="ALZsurvivorearlyonset" user-id="7035660"/>, I'm so glad to hear that something you found here brings you peace and a way to cope. How are things going overall? - Warmly, Donna (team member)
ALZsurvivorearlyonset Member
Overall, my memory is worse. However, I get great joy from riding my e bike and practicing the drums with my headphones on. Noise bothers me at times, but not when I’m drumming! I also have a punching bag, and that’s great for those days that seem more challenging. It’s just a small one that doesn’t take up much space. My basement is my safe place. 
1. CareMDay Member
 <inline-mention username="DonnaFA" user-id="4213023"/> people are so complicated. Relationships are complicated and then when you add in a loved one who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's it seems to magnify everyone and every situation. Especially, when it's any Holiday it is so hard to understand that our love ones love want to join in but only when it's tolerable. I know that it is very hard for families to accommodate a loved one with Alzheimer's. I know from the readings here that they are super stressed about how I will behave or if I will say something unusual. They are stressed because I don't remember last year or even Thanksgiving for that matter. They are stressed about my future and what decisions they might have to make for me. I know that I brought this to their door. I knew this from the moment I got diagnosed that I would become a "discussion" not a person. I would become the reason that you avoid me or can't cope with me. I still have feelings, I may not be able to speak them or express them in my old way. If you are stressed, imagine how STRESSED out I am. I don't always know where I am, I can't remember your name, I can't remember the names or faces of my grandchildren. Imagine for the next 5 minutes that every single thing and person that you ever loved is now blurry. I miss my old self as much as you do. I know my cognitive skills are no where they used to be. A long conversations concerning politics, critical thinking and my ability to keep up with you is long gone. I want you to know that I am doing everything humanly possible to put the disease off as long as possible. I take strong medication to just be able to function day and night. I work with a PT, an OT, a nurse, a nurses aide and Speech therapist twice a week just to maintain my living in the home. I seek out every new study and medication available to fight my disease. I raise money and awareness so we can cure this disease. I miss you and myself too. I am fading quickly as I know that this is probably our last holiday together. My nurse has referred me to Hospice for evaluation. I have decided not to disclose this information to my friends or family with the exception of my husband. I am not being referred to Hospice for Alzheimer's, I have Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. My weight is over 90 lbs and I have come to terms with the ending of the PPMS. I just wanted to voice the side of your loved one with faced with the Holidays. My prayers for everyone affected by Alzheimer's disease is that we become more tolerant and compassionate to those losing their battles. That in the New Year we make a scheduled time to see our loved one regardless if it's pleasant or not. I pray for us all to have the peace we seek as The Wise Men did all those years ago when they followed the star ⭐ and their hearts to that little manger. God bless us! Everyone! <inline-mention username="ALZsurvivorearlyonset" user-id="7035660"/> @DonnaFA @ScottMatheny
2. CareMDay Member
 <inline-mention username="ALZsurvivorearlyonset" user-id="7035660"/> a punching bag is a great idea! I used to play the violin and loved it so much. I can still read music but playing is too difficult at this time. Mostly, I watch BBC murder mysteries and read for my entertainment. I am not bored or lonely, it's just the disease seems to continue to isolate me. I do with my husband to church on Sunday but I think it's becoming more difficult for me to sit 45-50 minutes without saying anything. I find I even get frustrated at the short message each Sunday and find myself muttering out loud. I don't want to be that person. I want to be content and quiet like I used to be. I want my old personality back but I am afraid that she is now like a lot of my memories just a shadow of her former self. I still pretend for short periods that I am fine, tomorrow at my daughter's I will have to pretend to be a 'normal' person just happy to celebrate Christmas. I will never do anything to damage that relationship. If I get to the point where I can no longer pretend I will just have to face that day when it's here. Fortunately, that's not today. Today I am still able to do most anything I just can't remember it! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! <inline-mention username="ALZsurvivorearlyonset" user-id="7035660"/> <inline-mention username="DonnaFA" user-id="4213023"/> @@
ALZsurvivorearlyonset Member
<img src="/content/images/2023/10/02/fb25cd8d7700c1b229e74cb010ab998a_medium.jpeg" alt="My basement " class="uploaded-image"/>
CareMDay Member
Keep playing! Or if you decide not to...I completely understand!