Home Care in Middle Stage

By CommunityMember118964

2 min read

My husband loves people and is compulsive in his communication. When he had better thinking skills, he created a document of "His Story" and he starts a conversation with strangers by sharing this with others. The first line tells that he has Alzheimer's so the transition is fairly easy, and we have had no negative feedback. When we are at a restaurant, he will get up multiple times to visit other tables while they are eating. His conversations are appropriate, but it makes me nervous. Because of this, I don't like to take him out to eat as often, even though it is one of his favorite things to do (mainly because of all the people he can talk to. HaHa)

Thursdays with Jeff

God has graciously given us a seminary student to come every Thursday to take John out to lunch and keep him occupied for around four hours--He is my Home Health Aide. He seems to love being with John, and John considers him a friend even though he knows we pay him for taking him out each week. He looks forward to his Thursdays with Jeff.

We used to pay for a Home Health Care Service to send an individual to take John out once a week. Several small things happened that made John not want to go out with the workers. I think that the workers were very uncomfortable with John's friendliness. After we had two individuals who did not work out for different reasons, we found Jeff through a friend. A student always needs money and Jeff was delighted to get paid the same rate as I was paying the agency plus expenses.

What's next?

I am sharing this with everyone for two reasons. One is that I wanted to give others some ideas for how they can stimulate their loved ones and have some quiet time of their own during the week.

The other reason is that I am wondering what I will do when I need more help which is fast approaching. How have others found good people who will love being with a behaviorally handicapped individual?

Keeping everyone happy

These four hours a week that I have been given has kept me sane and much less resentful of the constant work that is required to keep everything functioning in our home. I would encourage everyone to find something that your loved one enjoys and build upon that for their special entertainment. What fun it is to have John and Jeff tell me all the stories of the people they have met and the places they have been. This is a highlight of my week also.

This is our story.

Help others feel a little less alone.

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TheLongPointGirl Moderator & Contributor
What an amazing story!! I can understand the discomfort you feel in a restaurant. I am so pleased you found someone though to give you the caregiver relief you need. And your relief person loves his job! There will be difficult times ahead but I’m sure you will seek and find the support you need. TY for sharing. Shelley, community moderator.
Kathy Matheny Moderator & Contributor
I love your Thursdays with Jeff! It's so wonderful that you found him. How did you get the other health workers to come in the first place. We have't had anyone over yet. I looked into it, but haven't felt the need (panic?) to do that yet, but the need is coming soon. Blessings, Kathy M team member.
CommunityMember118964 Member
Jeff came as a blessing for our family through a contact at church. I had used an agency and found that all they really wanted to do was sit on the sofa and surf their phone. They had no desire to give John the stimulation he needs to keep his mind active. After the agency care worker complained one too many times about John's behaviors out in public, I fired him. At $30 an hour, I didn't want to pay for that type of service. I then started asking around to friends, our church staff, and anyone who would listen saying that I would pay $30 an hour plus expenses to anyone who would take John out for mental stimulation once a week. We found an older seminary student who needed the income and actually enjoys being with John. If we ever need another helper, the first place I would go would be to a Christian college or school and ask if someone was interested. I have had several people saying that "For that kind of money, I might even consider it." When you think that I pay them cash and use a debit card for expenses, it is a good deal. I give them a $150 check which covers the four hours and the cost of using their own vehicle plus their meal and snacks while they are out in the community. It could be an ideal way for an active retired individual to make a little extra income. I hope this helps give you some ideas. Don't wait until you are in a panic situation. I did and it is not good. With this activity two times a week, John comes home very tired, sleeps most of the evening, and is ready to go again in a couple of days. I am a better caregiver with this break.
1. DonnaFA Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="CommunityMember118964" user-id="6694466"/>, thank you so much for sharing! Like other team members, I love your story, and the details you share. It is so important to remember that there are people who would love to provide service in this manner, because it speaks to their heart. - Warmly, Donna (team member)