My Husband’s Journey
Last updated: April 2023
In 2014 my husband (Honey) was diagnosed with Dementia. Honey came to me one day and started to cry, something is wrong, I’m forgetting. Went to our doctor who said he was fine and that was a part of getting older.
We knew it was more than aging
Not good enough, so we found a neurologist and he was the one that said it was dementia. He ordered all kinds of tests, blood work, and then started him on medication. It was only the beginning so once the meds kicked in, he was good for the next few years.
Our tragic loss triggered a steeper decline
After we lost our only child (she was our world and was 33) he started going downhill. She passed in 2016, a couple of weeks before she would have turned 34, but left us with 2 beautiful grands and the best son-in-law. I convinced my husband to retire. Each year, I could see his decline and his doctor ordered more tests to which he now was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. His mom had Alzheimer’s and, literately, she dwindled down to the point she couldn’t remember how to eat or drink. Her death certificate said she died of starvation, not due to Alzheimer’s, just starvation. I was her caretaker and almost had a breakdown. My husband always said he would get this horrible disease 🦠.
We maintained things as normal for as long as we could
After our daughter's death, we moved in to help our son-in-law and take care of the babies 3 & 1, for a year and a half. Once my son-in-law found a new love who put back his beautiful smile, and I adored along with my husband❣️, we moved back to East, TX. For 26 years, we walked every day and he loved doing pull-ups (300 a day), so he was very strong! I kept him home until the anger got so out of control, he wouldn’t walk, still did pull-ups, watched Westerns all day, got aggressive, saw things, reverted back to childhood pranks and I no longer could escape his hold on me!!! It was getting dangerous for us both!!!
The questions I didn't know I didn't know
I moved him into a Memory Care Facility. That was a feat itself, had do callings in the bathroom. I found an Angel who helped find a place for all of his needs. She asked many questions about him, asked what I could afford and got $500 knocked off each month. Who knew you could bargain with the price? She even found a place with a male nurse because of his aggressive behavior, again, I would never have thought to ask that !!! It’s all free service; this is what she does for a living and I highly recommend!!!
The anger and agitation took over
He loved his new home and helpers until the wondering, aggression and behavior changed last summer. When he started hitting or kicking they weren’t taught how to deal with, he was sent to a psych ward. They would keep him (I was told to re-evaluate his meds) and once he calmed down he’d come back to Memory Care. This happened 3 times, with each change of surroundings he would decline more!!! Now these psych wards did nothing to help him change, didn’t adjust meds, wasn’t abused (first time he was and I got him out as fast as I could) something I will never get over 😞.
He was going to watch over me ♥️
Finally he had to have 24/7 sitters or move. The nurse that helped find this place found another in the Dallas area that are equipped and trained to handle patients like my Honey. The facility was built for memory patients and the staff was AWESOME. He like the place but his falls got more daily!!! His last fall was bad, so now they had him restrained in a wheelchair, which I was fine with. He was only there a month when, the day after an all day visit, and that day he knew me and told me (very clearly) that he was going to watch over me ♥️. He always had ♥️. For about a year, he talked gibberish and seldom made any sense! So the next morning they called me to say he passed away in his sleep 😢.
If I can help just one person...
There is no way to be prepared; I thought I was but no I wasn’t!!! This was October 5, 2021, so while writing I’m crying. It’s ok though because when you truly love someone those tears are going to show up and better to let them out then to keep them inside. I enjoy sharing my journey and trying to help others to understand theirs. If I can help 1 person, then I’m doing God’s work 🙏
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