My Husband’s Journey

By Jena

3 min read

In 2014 my husband (Honey) was diagnosed with Dementia. Honey came to me one day and started to cry, something is wrong, I’m forgetting. Went to our doctor who said he was fine and that was a part of getting older.

We knew it was more than aging

Not good enough, so we found a neurologist and he was the one that said it was dementia. He ordered all kinds of tests, blood work, and then started him on medication. It was only the beginning so once the meds kicked in, he was good for the next few years.

Our tragic loss triggered a steeper decline

After we lost our only child (she was our world and was 33) he started going downhill. She passed in 2016, a couple of weeks before she would have turned 34, but left us with 2 beautiful grands and the best son-in-law. I convinced my husband to retire. Each year, I could see his decline and his doctor ordered more tests to which he now was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. His mom had Alzheimer’s and, literately, she dwindled down to the point she couldn’t remember how to eat or drink. Her death certificate said she died of starvation, not due to Alzheimer’s, just starvation. I was her caretaker and almost had a breakdown. My husband always said he would get this horrible disease 🦠.

We maintained things as normal for as long as we could

After our daughter's death, we moved in to help our son-in-law and take care of the babies 3 & 1, for a year and a half. Once my son-in-law found a new love who put back his beautiful smile, and I adored along with my husband❣️, we moved back to East, TX. For 26 years, we walked every day and he loved doing pull-ups (300 a day), so he was very strong! I kept him home until the anger got so out of control, he wouldn’t walk, still did pull-ups, watched Westerns all day, got aggressive, saw things, reverted back to childhood pranks and I no longer could escape his hold on me!!! It was getting dangerous for us both!!!

The questions I didn't know I didn't know

I moved him into a Memory Care Facility. That was a feat itself, had do callings in the bathroom. I found an Angel who helped find a place for all of his needs. She asked many questions about him, asked what I could afford and got $500 knocked off each month. Who knew you could bargain with the price? She even found a place with a male nurse because of his aggressive behavior, again, I would never have thought to ask that !!! It’s all free service; this is what she does for a living and I highly recommend!!!

The anger and agitation took over

He loved his new home and helpers until the wondering, aggression and behavior changed last summer. When he started hitting or kicking they weren’t taught how to deal with, he was sent to a psych ward. They would keep him (I was told to re-evaluate his meds) and once he calmed down he’d come back to Memory Care. This happened 3 times, with each change of surroundings he would decline more!!! Now these psych wards did nothing to help him change, didn’t adjust meds, wasn’t abused (first time he was and I got him out as fast as I could) something I will never get over 😞.

He was going to watch over me ♥️

Finally he had to have 24/7 sitters or move. The nurse that helped find this place found another in the Dallas area that are equipped and trained to handle patients like my Honey. The facility was built for memory patients and the staff was AWESOME. He like the place but his falls got more daily!!! His last fall was bad, so now they had him restrained in a wheelchair, which I was fine with. He was only there a month when, the day after an all day visit, and that day he knew me and told me (very clearly) that he was going to watch over me ♥️. He always had ♥️. For about a year, he talked gibberish and seldom made any sense! So the next morning they called me to say he passed away in his sleep 😢.

If I can help just one person...

There is no way to be prepared; I thought I was but no I wasn’t!!! This was October 5, 2021, so while writing I’m crying. It’s ok though because when you truly love someone those tears are going to show up and better to let them out then to keep them inside. I enjoy sharing my journey and trying to help others to understand theirs. If I can help 1 person, then I’m doing God’s work 🙏

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The AlzheimersDisease.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Shannon Simcox Contributor
Thank you for sharing your story with us Jena. Not only does it show that you did everything you could for your husband while he was here, but it also may help someone else, in understanding the ins and outs of caring for a loved one, specifically a husband. So, simply, thank you!
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
Jena thank you for reaching out. You have a gift for writing. Appreciate the detail in which you conveyed your husband, yours, and your family's journey with Alzheimer's Disease. I am so glad you had help with getting your husband into memory care. It is so important to ask the right questions when hiring a caregiver or looking for an appropriate memory care facility. Thank you for walking alongside your husband. It s not an easy journey. Also, I am so sorry about the passing of your daughter in 2016 and for the recent loss of your husband. Please continue to reach out anytime. Sending virtual hugs out to you. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"
DonnaFA Community Admin
<inline-mention username="Jena" user-id="4551469"/>, thank you so much for sharing your story here. We've "talked" many times on Facebook, and you are such a bright spirit, so generous in sharing your support, knowledge and experience. We're so glad you are here. Keep shining bright <3 - Warmly, Donna (team member)
Kathy Matheny Moderator & Contributor
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I need to hear details, otherwise the mystery remains. And it's the details that can make a difference between thriving and struggling. Sometimes, you could just need a tweak, like knowing the right question to ask in the right way. Like the difference between, do you take our insurance vs. do you participate in our insurance. Out of network may still take, but not participate. I'm so sorry for all of your losses and so moved that it hasn't hardened you. Instead, you keep moving and want to keep giving, especially to those of us who are catching up to your shoes. Blessings, Kathy M team member.