Early stages of dementia/alzeimers - and relocating residence
I am 83 and my husband 87 with beginning alzheimers. Maintaining our home and grounds is too much for me. I have applied at a senior citizen apartment for an apartment for us. Trying to discuss this with my husband is futile and he becomes very upset. He is used to making all the decisions. I don't know how to handle the situation when an available apt becomes available as I do not want to lose out on the opportunity to down size. He does not want to move from our home. I understand change is difficult for people going through dementia/alzheimers. Please - I would like some help on this topic.
Hi
, if your husband has always been a great caretaker, it may help to tell him that caretaking the property and cleaning the large home is wearing you down. It may help his "protector" persona to kick in.
You could also maybe talk to the social worker at the community about opportunities to participate in some functions, so that he gets a non-threatening look at life in the community. The facility that I worked at as a CNA, and that my son currently works at as a server, has a restaurant that people outside the community can visit for dinner as well. That would be another opportunity to introduce the community to him.
I hope some of these might work for you. Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going. -Warmly, Donna (team member)Thank you for your interest and input. He has always "called the shots" and is very "bullheaded". That personality is definitly showing up trying to care for him now. I'm trying - Thank you Renyt
Are there things to do at the new apartment that he might enjoy? Activities? Scott AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member
I don't know how many men live there. As in most senior apt complexes there are naturally more single women/widows than men. I am #26 on the waiting list for an opening. They don't have "planned" activities but there are "get togethers". Thank you Renyt Thank you for your reply. I hope that you can get him in soon and that he is welcome to the idea. I also hope that the get togethers are helpful and interesting for him should he attend. You are welcome. Scott AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member
thank you for reaching out. I wanted to check in and see how things are going. Any word on how long it might take for a senior apartment to become available?
At one point, I had to move my mom from my home into an environment where she could get the care she needed. Honestly, I did everything I could do to make the transition easier. We toured where her room would be, went to a social outing, made a countdown calendar. However, she was confused, scared and the Alzheimer's really took away her ability to cognitively process the need for the move. Worst of all she was ANGRY! Pre-move and the day of the move was not pretty. Quite honestly once she was in her new home for about a week, she did well.
I did have the help of a social worker. I am not sure what your support system looks like, however this is a great time to get help and reinforcements. I have attached an article link on some potential resources available to you and your husband.https://alzheimersdisease.net/answers/resources
Please know you are doing the right thing in assessing your needs and your husband's needs. Please keep us posted on how things are going and know that you are in our thoughts here at AlzheimersDisease.net.
Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"It appears his alzheimers is progressing fast and I don't know how long I can continue to care for him - so the move to the senior apt. may not involve him. When you are on the waiting list for an opening you don't know if it will be months or years. Thank you for the information and concern. Renyt
thank you for reaching back out and giving an update. Definitely am concerned for you and your husband. What you both are going through is not easy. I was a caregiver for both of my parents, who both had the Alzheimer's diagnosis. I am sending an article link below, it describes a little bit of my journey as a caregiver. Hope the article is helpful to you. https://alzheimersdisease.net/living/chronic-condition-while-caregiving. Sending a virtual hug your way and please reach out anytime. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member" We are supporting you here. Please take good care of yourself during these challenging times. Scott AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member
