Full time caregiver

Hi , we're glad you're here! Have you checked out any of our articles on sundowning? There may be some tips that can help you both get a little more rest: alzheimersdisease.net/living/caregiver-tips-sundowning - Please let us know if you need other resources. - Warmly, Donna (Team Member)

I have been a full time caregiver to my wife for five years no. She been able to stay by herself for periods of time while I go the store, run errands, etc. She started needing care about the time I retired. We moved back to my hometown which her hometown is just ten miles down the road. The first year I have not been out much except to go shopping and some short trips back to the big city which is about forty miles. I have started playing in the local city band then I was offered a chance to play with a rock band which we play all 60's music. We only rehearse only two hours every other Monday and we don't push hard for gigs but we don't play late at night. Anyway I say that so to say my wife will look at me and see that I am tired then states that I should quit playing. I have yet to convince her that play is not what I am tired of. It's being the caregiver. She tells me that she doesn't like be alone for long periods of time. When I mention of hiring a person to set with her she doesn't accept. She wants no strangers in the house. I tell her I would be hiring a professional but that's no difference. I have a support group I go to when I can. It's in the city about forty miles away and when I do go I can't let my wife know because she will not accept the fact that I should be going. Thank you.

Well, I see it's been several months since I posted but things have changed. It go to the point I just couldn't keep up with what my wife was going thru. I had a organization called Gentiva hospice with a nurse that came once to take vitals and learn if there are any issues to take back to the doctor and also an aide came once a week for show and bathing. They came for a year and the nurse had been saying to me you really need to get your wife into a care home. I sent as long as I could then I said you right. It's time. I felt much relief and she has been in for two months now. I go out to visit three or four evenings a week and as time as moved I am having a harder time of understanding what she says. Her first word or two will be clear the is mumble after that. Some things I understand like she will say "when are we leaving" or "where are we going tonight". They won't allow her out of the care home and I understand that and for me I don't want to take her anyplace. Sometimes I feel guilty but if I kept up I would be in the hospital with problems or death. My wife's classmate husband past away just before Christmas and I went to the Celebration of Life and ask their son what did you dad die from? He said when mom came down with her dementia he stayed with her 100% of the time. He would not leave her side and his illness was basically heart failure. Their son said this must have put allot of pressure on dad and I said I'm positive it did and then I share with him what I had been thru. Thank you.