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How to respond to our LO’s

Saw this on another page n wanted to share! So very valuable to keep in mind:

1. Never ARGUE, Instead AGREE.
2. Never REASON, Instead DIVERT.
3. Never SHAME, Instead DISTRACT.
4. Never LECTURE, Instead REASSURE.
5. Never Say REMEMBER, Instead Say REMINISCE.
6. Never Say I TOLD YOU, Instead REPEAT.
7. Never Say YOU CAN’T, Instead Say DO WHAT YOU CAN.
10. Never FORCE, Instead REINFORCE.

mom passed away in June . But, I used all of these in different situations and it made caring for mom so much easier! I have to admit, I went through the argumentative and over explaining stages until I realized that they didn’t work’s all a process where as caregivers we have to “let go” and just flow…mom suffered for 11 years…the last 2 1/2 on hospice at home… as I look back, I just want to share what worked. I did call the Alzheimer’s hotline once when mom was being combative..I came home from teaching n drove back out🙄. Had to return …that’s when I called! Counselor was wonderful n that was my turning point . I did this all alone ..had to play it by ear. But once I learned what not to do …everything became more bearable …

  1. I really like this. It does take some time to come a place when you are not trying to reason and correct, but that is important, in my opinion, for the long term. Thank you for sharing. What do others think? Scott Team Member

    1. thank you for sharing. I absolutely love what you wrote in your post!
      I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mom in June. I lost my mom in 2019. Her and my dad both had the AD diagnosis. How are your doing? I know personally the grief process has been like a rollercoaster for me.
      I appreciate that you mentioned you called the Alzheimer's hotline and that you had a good experience. That call helped you to change how you dealt with the everyday reality.
      Thank you for reaching out. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, " Team Member"

      1. I need help and I appreciate what you have said. I took my Dad's car because it needs to be maintenanced. He knows, what I am doing and he has/is pleading with me to get it back. He thinks he has the ability to know when he will not be safe to drive, but he is already there. He doesn't know, what he doesn't know. He is losing his independence and desperately trying to keep it. My brother and his family walked away so it's just me. I don't know what to do. I have tried common sense but that doesn't make any sense to a desperate man. I can't have him hurt someone else. I need a doctor to revoke his license and/or complete the capacity documentation but the doctors or putting it all on me. Any advise, suggestions? Please

        1. Hi , I'm so sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing with your dad. Balancing safety concerns with your dad's desire for independence is a tough position to be in. You are not alone in this dilemma; we've had several conversations about this specific challenge on the site. I hope community members will chime in with their experiences and potential strategies for you to consider. In the meantime, I have a few resources that might be helpful. Here is a forum specific about driving and dementia. You'll note the conversation between both those living with dementia and caregivers: In this article ( talks about enlisting the help of a professional. We know this is not easy - we're here to support you however we can. Warmly, Patty, Team Member

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