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What's the toilet for? Incontinence and bathroom are our main problem.

I read a lot on Alz websites and resources about incontinence or when your loved one does want to go to the bathroom. What about when their brain no longer registers the need for the restroom or how to use it when you get there? Mom wears a pullup with an additional pad all day and night. Most mornings when she gets up and is taken into the restroom, nothing happens. After 10-14 hours of not toilet action overnight. Then she might have a big accident 30 minutes later with no idea that her pull-up and pants are soaked.

I guess maybe at this point many other patients are already in a facility that helps with this since it's a daily issue. Mom is still living at home with my dad as her caregiver. We are not ready to put her in a facility. She can't do anything on her own and needs directions for everything. Other than her not having any memory at all, incontinence and bathroom is the main thing that has become a big problem.

There may be products we haven't used yet that are super absorbent that she could wear all day. At this point care has become all about taking her to the bathroom at regular intervels. Not so she will use the toilet, because she usually doesn't do anything once she is sitting in there, but just to check if she is dry/clean and make necessary changes.

This is our current reality at this stage, but I just thought I'd share in case anyone has any tips, products or other recommendations. Thank you.

  1. I am having same issue with my husband.

    1. I take my wife every three to four hours. We go to bed a little after 11pm and I set the alarm for 3pm and get her up. She sometimes questions why I am waking her up and why don't I just let her sleep but luckily, I explain that this keeps her from getting the bed wet and she accepts that and doesn't fight me. I have to check on the pad positioning to make sure it is adjusted properly. She has added some weight, even though I have tried to maintain the same diet (and we don't eat between meals), she her thighs are rather close together and the pad sometimes get caught if I am not careful. For fecal incontinence, I give her one Imodium around 4pm every day and that seems to handle it most of the time. If it doesn't....well, I just have to deal with it. Luckily I was a ward attendant in the Airforce, so I have had some experience with this kind of thing. You did it for your kids when they were young, you can deal with it now.

      1. No, the Imodium is to keep her from going in her pants when we go for a walk. She can't feel it. As I said in another Forum, it may have been a side effect of a mild case of Covid. It seems to be over now.
        I get her up at 3am to change her pad. We go right back to sleep. She gets enough sleep. She even has started falling asleep at the table after her meals.

      2. I was thinking about YOU and lack of sleep! Bless you. I asked our doctor about giving my mom Imodium when my kids stay with her. She was fine with it. That’s a good idea before your walk or any activity away from home. Way to make things work to keep her included.

    2. My husband diagnosed was diagnosed at 62. It's been 5 years now Im 72 and yes we deal with it. He wears Attends in PM and Depends during the day. As for fecal issues, he'll just drop and go no matter where we are. All I can do is watch for the signs and hope I get him to where I can catch it and clean up. He has anxiety a lot and doesn't always respond well to being directed or a raise in my voice. Alzheimer's are all different I hope maybe incontinence wear makes it easier for you. We all need easier and people who TRULY understand. Living with your loved one is a whole new stress.

      1. Thank you for your reply and for sharing your current challenges with your husband. How are you handling this? Scott Team Member

    3. I have purchased a bidet for our home which is electric. I find that when my husband sits on the warm seat, he finds he needs to go to the bathroom. It is also wonderful for clean up as I can turn on the warm spray and let it wash off his bottom. I then have little or nothing to do after that except maybe to dry with a towel. They are not inexpensive to buy and install, but I have so enjoyed having it help me with this unappealing care. I found one on sale at both Costco and Sam's that were of good quality.

      1. This is super helpful. We did buy a bidet but it was not heated and a bit shocking to say the least. I never thought that the mere warmth of the seat might trigger the need to go. Thank you. What other simple, yet helpful tips can you give our community? Scott Team Member

      2. my son has been wanting us to get a bidet like this. I’m so glad you talked about it. He doesn’t want me to have to wipe her. I think I am very close to that point. It’s getting more confusing for her. She already wipes back to front, which isn’t good, but it’s better than nothing, which is the option because otherwise, she wouldn’t do it at all. We have a Sam’s and a Costco membership. I’ll look into it. We really like Sam’s brand pull-ups and their XL disposable washcloths.

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