Remembering My Forever Birthday Buddy

My birthday is one day after my grandfather’s. That means for the first few decades of my life, we shared a birthday cake: Almost always Carvel ice cream with chocolate crunchies.

Then he moved to the mountains and I went to Penn State and I got my first job more than an hour away from him — and he was battling Alzheimer’s.

My routine with my grandfather

Every May 7, once the distance was a factor, I would place a phone call to my birthday buddy. I’d say “Happy birthday, old man!” He would either take offense to my use of the term "old man" or fully lean into it, depending on his mood.

He started warning me years before he lost the ability to speak that he wasn’t sure how many more years he’d have in him. My response to this was a simple decision, but not so easy to execute: I’d fix on a smile on and, through the tears, say: “Well thanks for spending one more birthday with me, Pop.” We’d repeat the phone call with startling precision the next day, as my Gram and Pop wished me a happy birthday.

Remembering the birthday tradition

I remember the ritual. I recall the birthday cakes scrawled with “Happy Birthday Poppop & Shannon” and my cousins crowded around a kitchen table to sing. I remember the smells of blown-out birthday candles and the rising pressure of a big-squeeze type of hug.

It’s those memories I hold on to each year since his passing. I bring them to the forefront, ahead of the other birthdays. The birthdays when he wasn’t into the fanfare and family members he didn't know invading his space, ahead of the birthday I made an ice cream cake that was discouraged from the nursing home, ahead of that first birthday without him, when I realized the depth of my sorrow.

Rise up: What the future looks like without my birthday buddy

It’s been several years since my Poppop passed — 2020 marks my fifth solo birthday. The occasion feels quite different without him around, slightly less joyful.

All of those who grieve know that it doesn’t get any easier, you’re just better equipped at carrying it. As I carry his memories with me through life, I use them as fuel to fight Alzheimer’s. This disease will rue the day it robbed me of my birthday buddy, I can promise you that.

Here’s to another year around the sun!