What is a Bad Day?
Having a bad day with Alzheimer's isn't the end of the world, but it can certainly feel that way. It seems if I start out having things go wrong in the morning the rest of my day will be off.
I often tell my friends that I never know when I will have a hard day so I ask for their patience. So, what is a bad day? I'll give you an example.
A bad day with Alzheimer's for me
My husband was gone for some reason so I thought I would get a lot done around the house. But before I did that, I decided to work on a new fishing rod.
I needed to string the line but I couldn't remember how to do it. It kept getting tangled and I would start all over. It became increasingly difficult and more frustrating to me. It was a simple task and one I had done often. That day, it wasn't happening.
I decided to put it aside and do a load of laundry. I loaded the washer but then couldn't remember how to turn it on. How simple is that? I started to feel my anxiety level go up. Another simple task I couldn’t complete.
I decided to put that task aside and thought I would go clean up my craft room. It was a mess because I had been working on several projects. When I walked into the room, I knew exactly what needed to be done. I needed to stack and organize my card stock, clean up some paint, put the glue away, and vacuum. Although my brain was telling me what to do I physically couldn't do it. My brain was not communicating to the rest of my body what needed to be done. I thought maybe if I could just stack the card stock I would get something done.
I remember standing there feeling so hopeless because as simple as that was, I couldn't get my arms and legs moving to do it. It was all so overwhelming to me. Another task now had to wait.
Trying to live with Alzheimer's
I then decided it might do me good to go outside and take a walk. As soon as I opened the door I felt a panic attack come on. All I could think of was going outside and not being able to find my way back home with no one to call.
I couldn't risk it. I shut the door and decided to stay home. My mind kept telling me to try again but to no avail.
Fighting a fight that is fixed
I realized at that point, I was a prisoner in my own house due to no fault of my own. I felt stupid, I felt alone and I felt vulnerable. I am not a "crier" but that day I cried.
I cried because I realized that I was going to have many more of these days and there was literally nothing I could do about it. I am fighting a fight that is fixed and not fixed in my favor. That is how I live with Alzheimer's.
How do you define a bad day with Alzheimer's? Tell us about your experience in the comments below, or share your story with the community.
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