Alzheimer’s Disease is No Party

The task or mission of caring for someone with Alzheimer's disease is daunting and consuming. It's a lot like caring for a child, only the kid is growing in reverse and will become less and less independent instead of more. Milestones are marked by new inabilities rather than new skills mastered.

The parallels

When we welcome our new bundle of joy into our home, family and friends send cards, cash, diapers, and wipes. Sometimes we get on a meal train and people sign up to bring food. There is anticipation and well-wishes and some knowing commiseration for the sleepless nights ahead.

People give you a party, called a baby shower. They shower you with the things you didn't know you needed and month's worth of diapers that seem to last only days. You get started off in a good place with a baby carrier to bring them home, a stroller to get you both out of the house, and lots of cute outfits and toys.

Maybe someone put out some yard signs with storks in pink or blue with balloons and large letters of congratulations planted in the sod.

Getting settled

When we moved into our new neighborhood, our church gave us an old-fashioned "pounding". They brought us a pound of flour (or a five-pound sack), a pound of sugar, a pound of butter, canned goods, etc.

You get the idea. It was very sweet and got us off to a good start as we settled in.

When my mom moved into our home after dad died, there was no fanfare. No yard signs. After her diagnosis, there were no gifts of diapers, though we could use them, and no learning toys or outfits. No congratulations. No gift cards. There is no pounding but in my heart, anticipating the worst.

The looks I get are blank or apologetic, not congratulatory at all. There is no best-seller book, What to Expect: The Silver Years.

An elder shower

What if we had an elder shower? When someone has a loved one move in, what if we had a party and gave gift cards to the surgical supply store? Can we register at Seniors 'R' Us for a wheelchair and some adult briefs?

I'm being funny now, but wouldn't it be nice to have friends gather to celebrate that you are doing something challenging, yet totally worth it, like parenting?

Mom is with us. She is funny and kind. My kids are talking about making a TikTok with their grandmother as the star. She gets so tickled when they use those filters on her! It's hysterical!

There is joy

There is still something to celebrate. There is joy, if not a bundle of it. We are doing our best to be a blessing. Isn't that worth a party?

If you could host or be given an "elder shower," what would it look like? Your suggestions can be funny or serious. What's a good gift? What's a good game? Tell us in the comments below, or share your story with the community.