Tapping Into the Nuances of Nonverbal Communication

The eyes have it! One of the first things that you learn in acting class is the difference between being in front of the camera versus being on stage with an audience. You understand the difference between being subtle for the lens and being theatrical for the balcony seats. You know that they are two forms of acting for two audiences and that you cannot mix them up or your performance will not be understood or appreciated. In fact, if you are too theatrical, you will never be seen on screen and if you too subtle you will never be seen on stage.

In film and television so much is communicated with the eyes and face, but not in grandiose expressions. A simple tilt of the head, shift of the eyes, twitch of any particular face muscle means the difference between a thousand different emotions. The camera sees it all. High definition televisions catch it all. The best actors understand this and can tell stories just with their eyes.

Observing facial expressions

I am starting to see that as my mother-in-law continues to struggle with her verbal communication because of Alzheimer's, she is still telling a story with her face and eyes. A crinkle of her eyes and furrowed brow means disapproval. The rolling of the eyes means "whatever!" Eyes looking downward means that she is frustrated.

The narrative of her life may not be as much in words now as in the micro expressions of her face. So, what does this mean for me?

It means that I need to be better about looking her in the face when we are communicating. So much of my interaction with friends and family over the years has been side-by-side over a project or a hobby or going to an event. It means watching her more like I watch my television screen with my eyes perpendicular to her face.

Subtle nuances in her expression cannot be caught with a mere side glance. It also means that I should be better not only in my observations but my interpretations of those observations.

Understanding facial expressions to improve care

In other words, I need to use my acting training and 'be the lens' because the camera doesn't lie. Asking questions like, "What did that look she gave me mean?" And, "Is there anything she needs by that expression?" would helpful.

Being a better student of her, being more watchful, would help me with her care.

Another thing you learn in acting school is improvisation (improv). You learn the importance of the "yes and..." This means that good improv can only happen when the participants carry the story along based on thoughtful responses to each other.

You cannot deny the other person's contribution to the story, you must accept it and then add on yourself. This makes it fun and interesting.

Improvisation and applying these skills in everyday care

Communication can stop abruptly when one person is unable to speak, as what commonly occurs when a person is living with Alzheimer's. It can become one sided or stilted and does not serve either person well.

For me, this means as she communicates with me nonverbally I can continue the dialogue by accepting what she "says" and joining in either verbally or nonverbally myself. We can engage in our own form of improvisation. In many cases, it is not just for storytelling fun but can be productive in many other ways.

I never thought understanding these communication concepts associated with the screen and stage would serve me away from set and help me with my mother-in-law. I am beginning to use them more and more in my home and with my friends as well. These skills are helping me become a better listener.

Giving face-to-face attention takes focus with smart phone distractions beckoning constantly. For me, it is a skill to be learned and the show must go on.