Coping Through the Holidays After Losing a Loved One to Alzheimer’s

The holidays used to be the most wonderful time of the year for me and my mom. We made it into a whole vibe! Holiday movies on repeat, Mariah Carey blasting, decorations on point, and hot cocoa with marshmallows — extra, of course. But when she transitioned in February 2023, all that holiday magic? It hit differently. I had to figure out what the holidays would look like without her, and let me tell you, it was a journey.

Here's how I managed to navigate those heavy holiday feels after losing her to Alzheimer's.

1. Honoring their memory

During the first year of my mom's transition, I took a new approach to the holidays. I allowed myself to feel grief while finding small joys in the season. This meant playing holiday music only at certain times and skipping the decorations but savoring a cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows, of course.

It was a big change from how I used to celebrate, and some family members found it unsettling. They even urged me to "just get over it" and decorate for Christmas. I understood their intentions, but I realized that telling someone to simply move on from grief can be unhelpful and even harmful. Instead, here is what I recommend trying:

• Suggestion: Create small traditions that honor your loved one, like lighting a candle, cooking their favorite dish, or sharing a favorite memory with family. This can help keep their presence alive in a meaningful, comforting way and also not be too overstimulating for your nervous system as you grieve.

To my family, who was also grieving the loss of my mom, I had to let them know that honoring my mom's memory was my way of healing. Sharing how these little moments brought me peace helped us all connect and grieve together instead of pushing through like everything was fine.

2. Allowing space for your emotions

As unpopular as this opinion may be, grief sucks. It is heavy and messy, and it does not care about anyone's timeline. Losing my mom had me spiraling, like hand-on-heart-trying-to-breathe spiraling. My body, my mind — everything was in shock. Some days, I was loud with my grief; some days, I was quiet. Social one moment, then isolated the next. It was messy, but I learned to own it.

Regulating my nervous system and cortisol levels took a lot of work; my mind could not understand life without my mom in it. And so my process, as messy as it was, was mine, and I gave myself permission to be in that mess because it was exactly what I needed. My encouragement for you would be:

• Suggestion: Feel it all — the sadness, the joy, even the random laughs. Giving myself permission to lean into those feelings, even when they felt like too much, helped me heal in my own way. Whether it is sadness, nostalgia, or even joy, allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment (from others or yourself).

I had to keep reminding myself that grief is not linear. Just when I thought I had it together, the holidays popped up and knocked me off my feet. Internalizing the importance of emotional release and self-compassion was something I had to emphasize and practice a lot. I honestly thought I had a handle on my emotions, but leaning into feelings, rather than avoiding them, ultimately provided the relief and healing I needed.

3. Leaning on your support system

As much as I hate to feel like I'm "bothering" anyone, having a support system was crucial in my healing process. The outpouring of love and generosity from family, my online community, and even strangers was beyond anything I expected. It reminded me that I wasn't alone and I didn't have to go through this alone.

Grieving in this hustle culture feels so awkward sometimes because it calls us to intentionally pause and process. Having people who understand, empathize, and hold space for me made all the difference.

They showed up with everything from groceries and hot meals to thoughtful gifts and sometimes just silent support when words weren't enough. It wasn't about fixing anything; it was about showing up without judgment. I realize the importance of not isolating during times of grief, especially around the holidays. While it did feel like the easiest thing to do, surrounding myself with loved ones who care about me provided the healthy distraction I didn't know I needed. My encouragement for you would be:

• Suggestion: Stay connected with family, friends, or support groups who understand your experience. Let people in your life know you may need extra support, even if it is just someone to sit with in silence.

Think of your community as your anchor during difficult times, helping you feel grounded, supported, and seen. Allow yourself to lean on others when you need it and be open to the comfort they offer. You don’t have to do this alone.

Navigating the holidays after loss to Alzheimer's

You deserve to receive love and care, no matter what you may be going through. Don't hesitate to reach out for help or seek guidance from those who care about your well-being. Remember, grief is a journey and it is okay not to have all the answers.

Navigating the holidays after loss is not easy, but taking it day by day, moment by moment, and giving yourself grace is everything. I'm still on this grief journey, too, and I'm holding space for you as you walk yours. We have got this.