Writing Love Letters to My Son To Preserve Memories

Doesn't everyone enjoy getting old-fashioned snail mail? A real handwritten letter? I know I do. I have always been a letter writer.

When we were in elementary school, we were encouraged to have pen pals. Part of our class assignments was writing letters and having them graded before we sent them. Some of these pen pal relationships lasted for years. My brother actually married his pen pal, and they were married for over 40 years until he passed away a few years ago.

Making memories

What does this have to do with Alzheimer's? Writing makes memories.

As someone who was diagnosed at a young age, I have tried to take advantage of writing letters to my friends and family. I've tried to let them know how I feel, because, in time, I won't be able to do that. These memories, captured through letters, are a way to preserve my thoughts and feelings.

If you care for someone who can no longer write a letter, perhaps relatives or friends could write letters to them, and you could read them. We don't know what can really be comprehended, but something familiar will spark a memory or two in your loved one. These written recollections, preserving memories through letters, might offer a comforting connection.

It all started nearly 39 years ago

When my son was born almost 39 years ago, I wrote him a letter the day I had him, and I was still in the hospital. I didn't know when I would give it to him, but I knew he would get it someday. I was rather emotional that day, so it was pretty sappy.

Then, every year on his birthday, I would write him another letter. I would highlight the "firsts" he accomplished, share some funny stories, and include a few photos. I looked forward to writing that letter all year long. I kept that up every year. I kept the letters in the safety deposit box with his name and the date. He never knew I was doing this. These annual installments of memories through letters became a precious tradition.

Then, when I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, these letters became so important to me.

Preserving our memories together

I wanted something of me that he could remember and go back and read when we could no longer communicate. I had a hard time deciding when to give the letters to him. I yearned for a tangible collection of our memories through letters that he could cherish.

At first, I thought it was when he turned 18. Then I decided it was when he graduated from college. Then I decided it was the night before he was to get married.

I gathered them into a chest and asked for some alone time the night before his wedding. I explained what was in the box and told him that he could read them whenever he wanted, even if it was 10 or 20 years from now. The only thing I asked of him was that when he read them, he would tell me that he had. We both shed some tears that night, but I hope that night is one of the last things I will forget. The act of sharing these written recollections and preserving heartfelt memories through letters was profoundly moving.

Love letters to my son

That was in 2008. In 2017, I was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. That scared us all. My son finally read the letters. Now I am coming up on 5 years of being cancer-free. I wish I could say that about Alzheimer's. However, I helped create some memories through those love letters to my son. These captured recollections, these precious memories through letters, will endure. Maybe you can help share memories with your loved ones.