Moving to a New Home With Alzheimer's Disease

What was I thinking? My mom was happy. She was content. Her surroundings were familiar. What am I doing moving her across the state? I had thought that consistency was key, maintaining the familiar when your loved one has memory issues. I was going to disrupt everything! And there was this little thing called a pandemic! We had thought long and hard, prayed, and planned for our future. It was time. It was time to move.

Why we decided to move

Moving would provide a good job opportunity and family opportunity. Our kids were going to be in the new area. We could help them get settled and still be around them. We would have more job opportunities. If we waited longer, we would all be older, and moving would be harder. Mom is pretty stable now, but what would the future bring? Would we rather be where we had more support, or stay where we felt isolated?

We pulled the trigger, put our house on the market, put all of our belongings in storage, and moved from Buffalo to Long Island, NY. We loved our house and our neighborhood. I felt guilty uprooting Mom. Our house was paid for. We will need a loan to buy a house so close to New York City. I was also feeling guilty over moving Mom from a relatively low COVID-19 area to ground zero. She is 82, has diabetes, lymphoma, vascular dementia, Alzheimer’s, and trouble word finding, literally every risk factor. I felt so responsible for everyone! What was I doing?! I was so stressed!

Where we are now

We are here in a rental now. It’s nice! There is a big living room. There is a piano. We have enjoyed putting together puzzles. We have been having dinners together again.

Mom’s room is upstairs. She is still able to climb that flight a few times a day. We linger around the dining room table all the time. We have had great conversations. Both of our kids are home. They adore their grandmother! We all gather around the computer looking at houses online, everyone putting in their two cents.

My kids relationship with their grandmother

When my kids were younger in their teens, they saw their grandmother as bossy and butting in, cramping their style. Suddenly, when I wasn’t home, she wanted to know where they were going and when they would be back and who they were with and what they were doing. Now, they can just laugh and joke with her. They help her with her TV when she just can’t find Perry Mason. They are so kind to her. They think she is so cute now! She is funny and teases them. It’s such a laugh when she gets in a good zinger! She is still with it!

So, there have been unforeseen consequences. We are all doing more together. We were so busy before. And stressed. The new surroundings have given us all, even Mom, new opportunities to explore, and maybe new synapses to form. We all wear masks when we go out. Mom doesn’t go out much. The COVID-19 rates are lower here than in Buffalo right now! They are the highest in the state right now. I thought I was taking Mom into danger, but instead I was taking her out of it. And she has been able to continue with her speech therapy appointments online. Her doctors can still follow her up for a little while and have called in prescriptions for her. Thank you modern technology!

We have a lot of work to do house hunting. We want a house with a bedroom and full bath on the first floor to accommodate Mom. She is part of the decision. We are all in this together. I don’t feel guilty anymore. I feel hopeful.