Pros and Cons of A Loved One Moving into a Senior Home

When my Mom had to move into a senior home, it was not an easy decision. There was a lot of information but it seemed to come from one of 2 camps: Those who had only good things to say, and those who only had worries.

It might have helped to hear a more balanced perspective. Mom has lived in her senior home for almost 2 years and I have seen a few more of the positives and negatives.

The good things for Mom have been the safety measures, the help with household tasks and driving, and the many activities to socialize.

But we have to honestly acknowledge the shortcomings too. Sometimes there can be hitches with the staff and building, other neighbors to think about, and caregivers have less control.

Con 1: Staff

One piece of advice I heard when looking for a senior home was to observe the staff attitudes. Do they seem happy to be there? Is there high turnover? Happy, consistent staff make a good environment for our loved ones. I'm in my Mom's building a lot and have heard some grumblings, but I love that most of the staff has not changed in the past 2 years. It's a good place to work and that makes it a better place to live for my Mom.

Pro 1: Safety

This was the number one reason we had to make the difficult decision to move Mom to senior housing. The great thing is: Senior homes are designed and built around safety! You can expect smooth floor plans with no steps or trip hazards, handrails and grab bars in all rooms and hallways, brightly lit common areas, and wide doorways suited for walkers and wheelchairs.

Con 2: Bureaucracy

A senior home is also a business, and with that comes red tape, delays, and bureaucracy. For example, sometimes maintenance requests are not filled right away (which can irritate anyone but especially someone living with dementia.) Sometimes staff members call in sick and a beloved event is canceled.

There can be promises that do not come to fruition. For example, my Mom's senior home boasted about their plan for multiple dining rooms with extensive menus so residents could have lots of choices. But the menus kept getting shorter and the promised options were delayed again and again. Not a deal breaker for us, but be aware that a business can sometimes make unexpected changes.

Pro 2: Services

Senior homes also promise a lot of perks - and from what I have seen, most are all true! Delicious meals in a comfortable dining room, regular housekeeping and laundry help, regular transportation to shopping and events, plus in-house salon services, computer lab and library, and so much more.

My Mom loved that she no longer had to call family members to change light bulbs or drive her to the store. And each day she looks forward to a full schedule of accessible and engaging programs. She loves the variety and I can humbly say that even the most creative caregiver has nothing on a full-time activity director.

Con 3: Less control

Living near other people at any time of life comes with difficulties. Maybe you remember college dorms or living with a roommate. There can be disagreements about the tiniest minutiae: If you leave your windows open, what laundry detergent you use, how loud your TV is.

There can be new challenges to deal with if your loved one's neighbors do not understand the disease or are annoyed by some of the strange behaviors of Alzheimer's disease.

Staff members might also be irritated by Alzheimer's behaviors. My Mom's senior home has front desk managers who are mostly very patient with her repeated questions and confusion, but others might not be so understanding.

Pro 3: Caregiver stress relief

It is not easy to say, but important to know: Caregivers can feel a lot of relief when their loved one moves into a senior home. I was so glad to take care of my Mom in my own home, but over time I wasn't able to provide the safety and stimulation she needed.

I was constantly worried about her - and later, when my Mom would burn things on the stove or accidentally do other dangerous things, I started worrying about my kids' safety.

My body used to be in constant stress, but now it gets a break sometimes. I still worry about her, but I know she is safe and taken care of even when I'm at work or busy taking care of my kids.

Weighing the pros and cons

Knowing in detail some of the pros and cons might help someone who is really needing to move a loved one but is reluctant to do so because of the unknowns. There will always be things out of your control. Some are worth letting go, some need to be worked through, and some are critical to make sure your loved one gets good care. Or some people might see some of the cons as more stressful than keeping a loved one at home.

In my Mom's case, we have found the immense benefits outweigh some of the difficulties. Talk to other caregivers and thoroughly research the options available to you and your loved one to make the right decision for you.