We Have a Lot to Be Thankful For

We just celebrated Thanksgiving. My brother was finally able to make it home. We talk on the phone a lot, but he hasn't been able to get back here since last Christmas and New Year. It was a very thankful time. We still have our mom with us. Dad went home to be with Jesus, as we say, in 2012.

We went around the table and shared what we were thankful for. We all said, family. I am so happy we have pulled together and supported one another. As a mom, I want my kids and family to be close. We have been through a lot together and have risen to every challenge. We all take care of grandma. We can count on each other.

This move was hard, but we would have settled if we had stayed in Buffalo. We feel a little crazy for leaving that safe and affordable nest. Still, we like the adventure of spreading our wings and all the possibilities in "the greatest city in the world," according to the musical Hamilton.

It can be very basic, what you're thankful for.

"Mom, what are you thankful for?"

When it was my mom's turn to say what she was thankful for. She said she had lost so many relatives and had so few left. I think she missed the "say what you're thankful for" part.

She tried again and said she had 2 people waiting for her. Does she mean my dad and her parents?! We agreed that, yes, that's good. Then she said she didn't want to see them anytime soon! She wasn't ready yet! Then we all started laughing.

Whew! Dementia doesn't really allow for appropriate responses. You don't know what will come out because you don't always know where her mind is living. You must guess half of what she says since she can't get all the words out.

What I'm thankful for

I'm also thankful that, unlike a lot of Alzheimer's disease patients, mom doesn't seem to be phased by noise and crazy activity. We love our crazy games and laughing a lot. We don't deal her a hand of cards, but she sits at the table with us.

We were playing a murder mystery game which had us - me - galloping around the room exclaiming, "clippity-clop!" And my son is batting at imaginary flies. My daughter was leading the game when she looked at my mom and asked why she was drinking iced tea with her pudding spoon.

The fear and dread in our hearts

We stopped playing to look over at mom at the table. She slumped her shoulders and looked down but didn't respond. I walked over to her, starting to get concerned as she still didn't respond. Everyone had stopped talking and watched with growing alarm.

As I walked up to her, she turned to me, held up her hands like claws, grinned, and exclaimed, "Ahhh!" I started laughing in relief, but she had scared me for real! We didn't know how to take it! My poor daughter burst into tears and sat on the couch, comforted by her boyfriend.

It showed that we all have this fear and dread in our hearts concerning her. I saw how much my mom means to all of us.

The "what ifs" can steal our joy

Meanwhile, mom just thought she was being funny. She thought we were all acting crazy, so she would, too! There is something so simple and childlike about her now. My daughter did tell her that she made her cry, and mom apologized. I'm not sure she understood. Mom got lots of hugs that night.

Mom is good at living in the moment — something to be thankful for. I wish we could do that more, but I suppose we feel we must be the grownups, being sobered by the reality of the outcome of her Alzheimer's disease. The "what if's" can steal our joy.

We finished our game and declared the evening to be our best, despite that one bit, and we will work on processing that bit in the coming days. These days are precious, and we will make the best of them. Forrest Gump is famous for comparing life and a box of chocolates. We don't know WHAT we'll get (oh, good lord!), but we still have a lot to be thankful for.