When it Rains it Pours

Take your pick, this is my life right now. We got Covid and we can't work, our ceiling sprung a leak, we caught the stomach flu, and I nearly broke my mother.

Mom and I were coming back from her hearing aid appointment. The insurance adjuster had arrived early, so I wanted to get back home. I had walked ahead of my mom, but my husband was inside with the inspector, so I hung back to wait for her. I wondered whether she would walk up the three steps from the driveway to the walkway, or would she walk up the slope.

Keeping mom's dignity

I try not to automatically take over all of mom's decisions. I want to see what she would choose on her own and tweak it when necessary.

I try to let her check her own blood sugar, manage her own pills, make her own breakfast, brush her own teeth, take her own shower, fold her own clothes (I wash them), pick her own books and TV shows. I'm not ready to own all of her activities and choices.

It would be like letting her go and giving up on her. Admitting that she's gone while she's still here, which is a big, crushing aspect of Alzheimer's disease.

Maybe that's my problem. I still don't want to let her go, but she isn't all there. She got hurt, and I feel terrible.

A stumble and fall

Mom picked the stairs. I hung back to watch her. I should have held her hand. She did fine on the first step, then the second. She faltered on the third, and her foot didn't quite clear the top of the step. I was helpless after that other than to watch, not being quite close enough to do anything.

I thought she might stumble. Or maybe crumple. I wasn't prepared that she would go over like a tree in the forest. She didn't try to catch her fall. She just went down the full length, arms at her sides. Her ample belly hit first (or maybe her knee), then her momentum sort of rolled her smackdown onto her face, planting it hard in the grass.

I saw her eyes close, bracing for impact. Her reading glasses cut across the bridge of her nose, jamming into her skin, causing it to bleed. I called my husband, who was just a few yards away in the house, to come out front RIGHT NOW!

Catching our fall

I attempted to roll mom over and scoot her back to the steps, so she could get some leverage to stand up. Scott, my husband, came out and put his arms under hers and hoisted her up. She felt stupid, and so did I, but for very different reasons.

The insurance adjuster awkwardly introduced himself. We got her inside and got tissues to blot the gathering blood on her nose. I called her doctor, but they couldn't see her until the next day. She didn't seem to need an ER visit like last time. Her readers broke her nose that time.

Mom still wanted to keep her speech therapy appointment. I emailed the pathologist to let her know that mom would be looking pretty rough but still wanted to meet. Prepare her for mom vs. Mike Tyson aka our lawn, and to explain the frozen peas.

It could have been worse

There was much to be thankful for - mom was none the worse for wear. No broken bones, had she tried to catch her fall with her hands it may have been more serious. She only had some scrapes.

It's been a few days now, and the bruising has fully ripened, but it's freezing outside, so it’s another good reason to stay home. Plus the whole global pandemic thing, and the gaping hole in our ceiling dripping water. There's still that.

Mom says she feels worse for me than she feels about herself. She didn’t even want Tylenol. I kept apologizing. She didn't see the need. I did. I don't want her to decline, I have a hard time accepting it. I want to do my things, too.

Keeping a closer safety net?

While it's good to let her try to do things, I need to keep the safety net closer. Until we get a railing out there, or when on any uneven ground, I need to hold her hand. I do need to do more for her. I have accepted that in some ways.

When she asks the same question about the TV remote for the thousandth time, I answer like it's the first time, instead of trying to jog her memory or teach her to do it on her own.

The doctor commented that it's really important for her to exercise. She needs to do squats. She needs to build up her strength. It's very important for her stability, as well as strength, to be able to walk and take stairs.

She just fell right over. She had no strength to catch herself. I was worried about her brain's ability, I hadn't considered the rest of her body needed working out.

So far, I've had her stand in front of the couch and hold onto the back of a dining room chair while I sit in it. She sits down and stands back up ten times, then she is free to watch Perry Mason. She's motivated. I'm looking at those bruises.