The Journey of Love and Loss in Dementia

Debby came from a home that exudes distrust, paranoia, and criticism. She was determined to be a nurse and accomplished that achievement and became a very skilled surgical nurse. She suffered from depression but was usually controlled by medication. She had incidents of rage that made our life miserable. We traveled extensible and led a very generous life.

Cardiac issues, stroke & the first signs of cognitive decline

About age 68, she had multiple cardiac issues that required surgery and medication to control her rhythm. At age 70, she had a small stroke and a short hospitalization. The first symptoms were some confusion and memory issues. Over the next several years, we saw every specialist seeking help. Not one mentioned Vascular Dementia.

Crisis moments

Her depression got worse, and her lack of problem-solving left her walking around trying to do something she couldn't manage, which just raised her frustration. She began having periods of wanting me to kill her or suicide. I tried to express to her that she was so loved by so many. We did the best we could to manage her symptoms.

The hard reality of watching a loved one slip away

She now retreats to her bedroom and spends much time sleeping. She has no interest in people or going outside. She developed some delusional thoughts and paranoia. She now refuses to eat or drink regularly, which has led to steady weight loss. During this entire period, there are days when she won't speak to me, or if she does, it's spitting evil, then the day I'm loved, appreciated, and wanted. These days are spent any time with her crying.

The challenge for me after 36 years of marriage with a partner to not having one and no one sharing my thoughts and problems. I feel alone and cheated. I struggle to keep an even keel and realize this is a disease that ruins many families. I desperately hope that soon, science will find a cure.

Help others feel a little less alone.

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