My Journey Through My Husband's Dementia

By sandy

1 min read

I took care of my husband through all of the normal dementia problems. I tried to ask family members for any advice to get help to no avail. Finally, it was taking its toll on me so I put him in a nursing home. Putting him in a nursing home was fine with one son who had seen what caregiving was doing to me. However, the other son didn’t think I should’ve done that, but he wasn’t around to understand.

Feeling guilty

So the guilt from not having patience with him went to having guilt for putting him in the nursing home. He has been there for a year now. I was checking on him all the time, walking him and taking him out. He was getting a little better until this Coronavirus and now it feels like I put him in prison. Just awful!!

Unsure about the future

I don’t know if we will ever get to hug him again or take him anywhere. Video chats that he doesn't understand just don’t seem right. Now we have 20-minute visits outdoors with masks, so I just look like another nurse and social distancing. Now I wish I would have taken care of him until I dropped. Rant done, thanks!

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elizabethsexton_hu Community Admin
Hi Sandy, Thanks for sharing your experiance. Many people in the community can relate to not being able to visit their loved ones. I hope that you can remember to take care of yourself during this time. We're sending hugs your way and thinking of both of you during this time. Keep us updated. Your story will be shared through the newsletter and Facebook to reach more of the community. Thanks again, Elizabeth
Pam Farina Moderator
Oh Sandy, thank you for having the strength to share your thoughts and feelings with our community. I can imagine this was difficult for you to express. I think so many of us caregivers to a loved one with Alzheimer's will understand the guilt that you are feeling. My heart goes out to you and your husband during this very sad time of separation. Our community will keep you both in our thoughts. Please take care of yourself. Warmly, Pam-Community Moderator
phyllis Member
Hi Sandy, Our stories are very similar. I know the guilt of not being able to care for my husband any longer. I kept him at home for 4 years after he had his stroke. He has aphasia and vascular dementia. He has been in Memory care now for several months. The fact that I am not allowed in because of the virus has made it nearly unbearable torture for both of us. I know it is making him sink deeper sooner. Today I will be sitting outside his window while he has a telemed appoint. He does not understand when we have facetime that I am not there. It is a cruel disease. I am not sure that having to try to communicate without touching or hugging is not worse for him than not seeing him at all. It is hard not to get emotional when I see the pain in his eyes and his arms reaching out for me. To all of us trying to deal with this terrible disease. May God bless us and give us strength
1. Pam Farina Moderator
 <inline-mention user-id="2368261" username="phyllis"/> , thank you so much for sharing your experience and feelings with our community. I am so very sorry for what you and your husband are going through right now being forced to be apart. I can only imagine how heartbreaking that is for you both. My heart goes out to you both in this struggle. Know that your husband has been blessed with you in his life and by his side to love him on this very difficult journey. As caregivers we do the best we possibly can and it still never seems to be enough. Our community is here for you to support you any way we can and will be thinking of you. Warmly, Pam-Community Moderator
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
Sandy, Just wanted to reach out and thank you for sharing on the story board. Putting a loved one into a nursing home is never an easy decision. Everyone will always have an opinion. I am glad you feel comfortable to share here. Just Keep Swimming... Lynn Marie, "Alzheimer's <a href='https://disease.net' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>disease.net</a> Team Member"
Patty Day Community Admin
<inline-mention username="sandy" user-id="2376887"/> - I just came across your story and wanted to see how you and your husband are doing. Thinking of you. Warmly, Patty, <a href='https://alzheimersdisease.net' target='_blank'>AlzheimersDisease.net</a> Team Member)