“Who are you?”

I have been married to my husband for 42 years. We spent 24/7 together as we owned our own business. We spent the majority of our free time together. I was also a real estate broker and through the years we had bought rentals as an investment. He was the handyman, doing the rehab as needed and I was the landlord. He had an electronic engineering degree and was simply brilliant. He was the main designer for many of the items we use today such as Alexa and Siri.

There was nothing he could not do. We had the firsts of everything electronic. Our daughter had a computer at age 5. His mind was the last thing I imagined he would lose as he aged. Instead, he was still physically sound but 3 strokes destroyed all the creativity and knowledge of that beautiful brain.

Caring for my husband at home

Literally we just left a rental that we were working on and drove 10 blocks to our house. During the drive he told me it was nice meeting me. From there, for 4 years I have cared for him in our home. 2 years ago he began to wander. I hired in-home care which helped, but recently due to aggressive, combative behavior I had to put him in a memory facility. It has just broken my heart and I’m sad and depressed all the time.

Sending my husband to a memory care facility

Three of our children were angry that I placed him, but did not step up to the plate to help. When he began to hit me I called 911 several times. Finally, a policeman and his dr took my hand and said he is not safe at home because most silver alerts end up badly. They said I was not safe with him. So from the hospital, we placed him.

Not being able to visit

Due to Covid-19 I have not seen him for a month, except through photos posted by the staff. It is a good place and 6 blocks from our youngest daughter. At first he called me every few minutes for days. One day the calls stopped. I still call there but he can’t hear me and they forget to turn on his hearing aids, but he puts them on. It’s like putting bubble gum in his ears.

Moving closer

He is 3 hours away so I’m frantically packing to move and sell our home. I’m moving to an apartment near where he is even though I can’t see him. Maybe Covid-19 will be over soon and I can once more kiss and hug my best friend and love of my life once more.

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