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How do you approach family members about help?

In our house, caregiving is a family affair. We need to rely on each other to support our loved one and help pick up the slack when we need a break. How do you approach other family members about helping your caregiving efforts?

  1. This is so tricky. I struggle with it a lot. I try to be direct and just ask for what I need, and try to not have expectation that they will help. I understand that others have their own lives and schedules too. If they can’t help, I don’t take it personally but just move on to the next option. When they can help, I am so thankful! - Kelsey, Team Member

    1. Thank you for your reply, Kelsey. I guess I try to keep my expectations low but also be hopeful, if that makes any sense. Scott, Team Member

  2. I try to be upfront and empathetic when I am speaking with family members. I go into the discussion with a clear idea about what type of support I need and how often. Providing as much detail as possible makes expectations more tangible and helps my family to understand precisely what kind of assistance is required. It also doesn't hurt when I explain how their involvement will make life easier for everyone involved in the caretaking process; this way they may feel less burdened by the tasks at hand and can appreciate why their help is valuable.

    1. I appreciate this approach and how being straightforward and transparent can make things easier. Scott Team Member

  3. I was a caregiver to both of my parents with AD. My family was unable to assist in any part of the care process.
    However, I really had to research. The Office for the Aging was helpful . Honestly, the best thing that happened for my mom and myself, was getting assigned a social worker. He was very knowledgeable in educating me on the process and helping me apply for services to help . So for those community member out there who might not have family support, those are two supports that might be helpful to you.
    A friend of mine, her dad had Alzheimer's disease. When she asked for help from her family, she tried to be as visual as possible and had a group text dedicated to anything to do with the care of her dad.
    She made a calander and put many different categories of needs. She had appointments her dad needed to be taken to in one color, time she needed assistance staying with him, and in another color spots to help with picking up groceries, prescriptions, etc.
    She would send the calander to her family. This way her family could pick to help out in activities they felt comfortable and fit into their life and schedule.
    I thought this was a wonderful idea, because it clearly laid out the needs. In a way where people didn't feel put on the spot, to help in a way they couldn't or didn't feel comfortable. Hope this was helpful!
    Great forum topic Scott!!!
    Just Keep Swimming... Lynn Marie, " Team Member"

    1. My husband who has Alzheimer's has 3 adult children. I take care of him 100% of the time. His family would always say, "Let us know if there is anything we can do to help" which sounds good, but actions speak louder than words. An opportunity came up for me to go on a trip (I literally haven't been anywhere since 2019) that I have wanted to go on for a lifetime. It was a year before the trip was actually scheduled. I thought that would be plenty of time for them to make plans. So, I had a Zoom call with them, told them about the trip and how much I would really like to go, to get refreshed and fulfill a life long dream. One lives in Park City, one in Nashville and one 20 minutes from us in Columbus. They all agreed that I needed a getaway badly and I should go, but they wouldn't be able to help me out. I had suggested that if they each took just 4 days, they could stay at my home (which is lovely, by the way) and spend a little time with their father. They told me they had their "boundaries" and that I needed to find a caregiving service. That was that. I haven't really spoken to them since. I guess the only thing I can say about this experience (a golden nugget of sorts) is the fact that it forced me to check out caregiving services in my area and I have found the most compassionate, kind, trustworthy individual there is. Perhaps some day, I'll be able to go on that trip. But for now, my "Care Pro" is a gem and a life saver.

      1. , I'm so sorry that you missed your trip. I believe that, for people who give of themselves unselfishly, there will be a reward of the heart and soul. I hope that yours includes some of your bucket list.

        Actions do speak louder than words. They have established their boundaries, establish yours. Don't feel guilty about not calling on them, it doesn't seem they have called on you either.

        I'm so glad you found your silver lining in a Care Pro that can provide help to both you and your husband. I'm sending you lots of love and light. - Warm (((hugs))), Donna (team member)

      2. family dynamics can be very tricky and difficult. For me personally, it baffled my mind that in my case my siblings took a hands off approach to caring for their mom. So many emotions, I still have when I even discuss it.
        I am sad for you that you were unable to go on the trip you were hoping to take. However, I do love how you saw the positive, even in a very difficult situation. I am glad that you found a wonderful caregiving service to help you and your husband. That is so very important.
        Thanks for reaching out. Hoping one day in the future you will finally be able to take that trip of a life time.
        Just Keep Swimming..Lynn Marie, " Team Member"

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