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Caregivers, where do you turn when your mental health is taking a downturn?

Caregiving is rough. We can all use some support at times. Where do you turn?

  1. My wife of 37 years was diagnosed with MCI 8 months ago although she has had impaired memory for at least 2 years prior to diagnosis. I have joined a caregivers group through the Alz association. Most of the people in the group have been caregivers for longer than I have and their LO are farther along the path than I am. I already find it difficult to not get frustrated. I am working on acceptance and patience. I am much better at acceptance than patience.

    1. We appreciate your honesty and can say that you are not alone in this struggle to find acceptance and patience. Each day is different, and what works for you today may not work for you tomorrow. Many of our contributors have written about patience with their loved ones and even provided some suggestions for techniques that work for them. I entered the word "patience" into our search function, which yielded over 200 results. They certainly won't all be applicable, but hopefully, reading through them will give you some ideas and remind you that you are not alone here! Sending you strength, Patty, Team Member

    2. Hello. Oh you are not alone! You are doing the hard work now just by acknowledging how hard it is to see the changes in our loved ones and trying to be patient. Some days, patience will be more difficult. This is a very long journey for your wife and for you. There will days you will find the patience and days you will feel bad that you didn't have it. Try not to be hard on yourself. This is not a journey your wife is doing alone. It is also your journey. We all have our strengths and areas where we learn to have more strength. I'm so happy you have joined a group so you do not feel so alone. We, your online community, are here for you too. TY for reaching out! Shelley, community moderator.

  2. Thank you so much for link. I will have to learn how to use the search function. I guess for me the lack of inconsistency is a problem. I need all the strength you can send , again, thank you!

    1. I have learned the same thing. I need to manage my expectations and realize that I’m not sure what is next. I think it’s good that you have a routine. Scott Team Member

    2. I am happy that you are doing ok. I understand the up and down nature of this terrible disease for everyone involved. I am glad that you have found this group helpful. Seems we are in this together. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. Scott Team Member

  3. 1 thing i do everyay is pray 4 a cure...someties multiple times a day.& when frustration & patience get really frazzled i look at my wife and remember how she used 2 be..And that she did not want 2 be this way & i pray 4 her again..

    1. Thank you for your prayers! You are so right. This is not how our loved one's used to be and it is the disease that did this. Great perspective. I appreciate your perspective. Scott Team Member

    2. That is very sweet. Keep those memories of her. This wasn't her choice, but you are her hero by staying and caring for her. It's the most beautiful love story. There are new advancements. Hopefully they will figure it out. Until then, we need heroes like you. Blessings, Kathy M team member.

  4. sucks! I'm exhausted and my patience...oh my patience...I keep repeating to myself...he is not the enemy...he is not the enemy!

    1. I understand. They say that patience is a virtue. Don't we know it! Thank you for your reply and the affirmation that our enemy is that terrible disease. Scott Team Member

    2. I'm a word nerd. I just looked up the etymology of "patience." It basically came from old French, Latin etc. "being willing to bear adversities, calm endurance of misfortune, suffering." What struck me is the "be willing" part. That's my attitude. My loved one didn't get a choice. I do. Now the definition has come to mean "without complaining and remaining calm." Ha ha that is a bit unrealistic for me because, as you said, IT SUCKS! But I will stay calm in from of mom and have a good cry on a walk later while she sleeps, but she has my willingness. I'm in this thing with her. Blessings, Kathy M team member.

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