My dad can’t remember his past life……rambling on.
My father is 94 and has dementia. He is in an assisted-living program now and seems to really like it. We had to move him from his home of about 30 years to try to make him safer.. sadly we are still having to pay two extra girls to stay with him during the day and weekend because he cannot remember how to operate his TV or his cell phone and the facility where he is has limited people available as is the case with most places anymore that requires specialized care or services.
I want to mention one of the things that amaze me the most about my father in this setting and that is, he cannot remember where he used to live it seems because he never mentions his home from a year ago. In fact, he often mentions where he lived 50 years ago more often and asked me if we still own that property and house. I Tell him no and it surprises him very much. My daddy was a very hands on person for his whole life and often double and triple checked everything going on in his life every day now he just sits and watches gunsmoke. He can’t do anything as far as paperwork, and he can barely sign his name.. . he never asked any specific questions anymore about his vehicles or his past life. in fact, he can’t remember anything about details in his past life. I often avoid subjects that might lead him off in directions that will worry him or make him question anything.. He is now living in a nice three bedroom apartment and I make sure he has all the snacks cookies, cakes, milk, and lunch meat to make sandwiches anytime of the day he wants them and he don’t have to go upfront to the dining area unless he wants to. The girls have to help him walk because he is so feeble. he is too proud to use a walker or a cane I have provided for him. He often says he don’t want to be like those other old people in the facility. Because he don’t think he is that old. I think my point in this post is I am becoming more and more shocked every day at what few things if any, he can remember about his past, which was only one year ago when he controlled most of his life or at least he tried.
I took over taking care for him and providing him with 24 seven care about three or four years ago. It makes me feel sick to my stomach when I think what is in the future.
Isn’t it amazing he’s forgotten all about his life one year ago?
Hi
, it is a cruel disease, and sometimes it moves fast, but other times it seems to move in fits and starts. Sometimes I think it's the nervous system fighting back with its amazing neuroplasticity until the body shuts down its opportunities.
Short-term memory is generally affected first, so it makes sense that his newest memories are the ones he is losing. It sounds like you are taking good care of him and letting him decide how and where to spend his time. And it's great that he is still able to take care of most of his daily needs (with a little help).
The image he has of himself is from a different time, so it also makes sense that he doesn't see himself as old. And if he shares age-related concerns, aches/pains, you can always put it to weather, or over-exertion to keep him from thinking about it too much.
We're glad you're here, Robbie! I hope you're feeling at home. - Warmly, Donna, (AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member)why do people care whatever I can remember. I really love you. That's what I want you want you to know. That's the main thing for our loved ones to remember about us! I do know you, I might be recognize your face but there things about you that I remember your smell, your smile, the way you talk to me and the way we love each other! Please keep that in your mind! @DonnaFA , I don't know, truthfully. It's a human frailty to expect people to operate on your level. On the best of days, I have been - always - very different to others. I think differently, I react differently. I try not to judge, and to understand all the things that could contribute to someone's actions and reactions.
I have often told people something similar to the sentiment of your thoughts here - "even if they don't remember your face, your name, they remember how you make them feel, and that you help them feel safe - how wonderful is that? <3 - Warmly, Donna (Team Member)
I just read your post and wanted to reach out and check in to see how you are doing?
Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing about your dad. Both of my parents had the Alzheimers Disease diagnosis. This disease is rough for the person living with the disease and their family.
I too, at one point was sole caretaker for my mom. It just got to a point that I could not keep up with her needs. It sounds like you have your dad in a great place and he gets the care he needs.
I have included an article that might be helpful to you. https://alzheimersdisease.net/clinical/my-loved-ones-experience-the-as. Please continue to keep us posted on how you and your dad are doing.
Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"
I am glad that you found a good facility for him. We are at nearly the same point with my loved one. Thank you for the update. Scott Team Member I just wanted to check in on how you are doing. Also, wanted to see how your dad is doing? Did the staffing issue improve at all? It's difficult all over to get the right help/workers. Just know I was thinking about you and sending a virtual hug. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, Team Member"
Hi Lynn, thx for checking in. It’s a tough business this Alzheimer stuff😫
You know what I mean. Dad is ok, except just there…….He fell last week but only scratched a finger thank the Lord.
We had to cancel weekend help we were paying a girl to stay Saturday and Sunday all day now we are paying a girl to sit with him during the week about 10 AM until 5 PM. He just can’t be alone because he cannot work his TV and he don’t know how to work the heat or the AC and he can’t use his phone anymore so he can’t call me. It’s so frustrating to be spending almost 6K a month for assisted living and it’s still not enough, but he is still here again thank you very much for checking, I wish you the best Thanksgiving and the best Christmas for you and your family 😊💙❤️Hi
, that's a lot to deal with. I'm glad your dad was okay after his fall. Have you talked to his doctor or the facility social worker about progressing him to memory care? It might be time to have him in a facility with more supervision for his own safety.
There are apps and tools that would allow you to speak directly to him by video. Many of them are easy to use, so he'd only need to press one button to initiate a call, and incoming calls would open on its own.
Have a wonderful and joyous Thanksgiving and Christmas. - Warmly, Donna (Team Member)
Don't worry about what he can remember ever again. It doesn't matter. He loves you more than you will ever know. He does recognize somethings about you that you may not realize, I cannot recognize faces...I have a form of Alzheimer's that causes facial blindness. But I do know your smell, the way you talk to me, your smile and the way you dress! I love that you visit me even though sometimes I don't even show it! I may not even acknowledge it! But I love it! I love you. I will always love you. You are my child. I will never forget that I loved you first in my life! I am sorry that this is so hard for you. Believe me when I say with all my heart when I was first diagnosed with this awful disease I knew this would be our future and it terrified me. Believe me when I tell you that I cried for an entire year because I knew it would hurt you WAY more than me and as a parent how could I live with that kind of knowledge. This is a terrible disease. Do not let it come between us. Let it make us stronger like everything else did in our lives! Let us cherish every single moment we have left together accepting each other as we are in the way we are today! I love you, Your Love One With Alzheimer's Disease
Absolutely amazingly written! Thank you. Scott Team Member thank you for your post. Both my parents battled Alzheimer's Disease. So this really hit home for me.
In your post you mentioned facial blindness associated with Alzheimer's Disease. I have included a link below to an article that I wrote on that topic. I thought it may be of interest to you. https://alzheimersdisease.net/clinical/prosopagnosia-facial-blindness Thank you for being part of our community.
Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, Team Member
