It's Different When It's Your Mom

I have worked in private home care for 30 years. When my mom suffered a stroke, I was completely blown away by the fact that my family was saying she needed to be put into an institution. It has caused my entire family to be at each other. Finally, I convinced my stepdad to bring her to me.

I thought I was prepared for this

Wanting to care for her in her final time on earth, I was honored. I had been training for this my whole adult life. This is why I get paid the big bucks, right? Wrong. I have never raised my voice ever at one of my residents but by the time I finally get my mom settled down and into bed, I am exhausted.

I have said things I am not proud of

I have given her my bedroom; I am sleeping on a loveseat with two dogs. I think I am finally going to get some sleep, and she comes out and flips the light on and very seriously says I need coffee, and the fight is on. I try everything to get her back in bed; this goes on until the sun goes up, and in the heat of it, I have said things I am not proud of, and the shame is killing me.

I have taken care of everyone else's loved one, but when it comes to my own mother, an ugliness inside of me comes out that I am having trouble dealing with. I feel scared and helpless, and I'm sure she would feel the same way.

This is my story.

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