It's Different When It's Your Mom

By 1972bink

1 min read

I have worked in private home care for 30 years. When my mom suffered a stroke, I was completely blown away by the fact that my family was saying she needed to be put into an institution. It has caused my entire family to be at each other. Finally, I convinced my stepdad to bring her to me.

I thought I was prepared for this

Wanting to care for her in her final time on earth, I was honored. I had been training for this my whole adult life. This is why I get paid the big bucks, right? Wrong. I have never raised my voice ever at one of my residents but by the time I finally get my mom settled down and into bed, I am exhausted.

I have said things I am not proud of

I have given her my bedroom; I am sleeping on a loveseat with two dogs. I think I am finally going to get some sleep, and she comes out and flips the light on and very seriously says I need coffee, and the fight is on. I try everything to get her back in bed; this goes on until the sun goes up, and in the heat of it, I have said things I am not proud of, and the shame is killing me.

I have taken care of everyone else's loved one, but when it comes to my own mother, an ugliness inside of me comes out that I am having trouble dealing with. I feel scared and helpless, and I'm sure she would feel the same way.

This is my story.

Help others feel a little less alone.

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DonnaFA Community Admin
(((Hugs))) <inline-mention username="1972bink" user-id="8537637"/>bink, be gentle with yourself. You're not only having to acclimate to care giving the person who gave care to you, you're having to learn, and teach her her new normal. If you were coming in "clean", it would probably be easier, but you're tangled in the threads of life that have already been woven. -Warmly, Donna (team member)
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="1972bink" user-id="8537637"/> I saw your post and I had to reach out. I was a sole caregiver to my mom, with family with differing viewpoints. You are so right, things are different when it is your mom. I too have a healthcare background. I have attached an article link below that I wrote, on my journey with my mom. In it I discuss my experiences, emotions, and my sheer exhaustion. So please know you are not alone. I hope the article is helpful to you. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"
Lynn Marie Witt, MSOT Moderator & Contributor
<inline-mention username="1972bink" user-id="8537637"/> I just wanted to check in and see how you and your mom are doing? Please know you are in our thoughts. Thanks for being part of our community. Sending a virtual hug your way. Just Keep Swimming...Lynn Marie, "AlzheimersDisease.net Team Member"
Kathy Matheny Moderator & Contributor
Thank you for sharing your story. How is it going? It's been a few months. I care for my mom, too. I can only imagine what you are going through and the high expectations you have of yourself and the conversations you must have with yourself: I am a professional! I should be able to do this! Why am I struggling with this?! Sound familiar? It's not the same. It's hard to be dispassionate when it's your mom! They can push your buttons, too! It's ok! You are doing great. Give yourself a break! The stakes have never been higher, and you have never cared so much. You will be so much better at everything you do as you go through this journey. You will be even more compassionate and more skilled. Give yourself time. And get help. You have a team where you work. You need a team and a break. None of us can do it alone, at least for long if we want to keep our mental and physical health. I admire you. Hang in there and keep up the good work! Blessings, Kathy M team member.

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