Navigating Alzheimer's: Battling Brain Fog

I have been struggling in my attempts to share my thoughts. Alzheimer's has a way of scrambling my brain so much that it becomes difficult for me to sift through all my thoughts and get them on to the written page.

"Brain fog" is how many people describe it. I liken it to the old video game PacMan - where that little PacMan character comes and eats my thoughts before I get a chance to express them. It seems as if lately my days out running PacMan have been few and far between.

Many of us who live with Alzheimer's describe our days as good and bad. Not knowing when a bad day will sneak in used to worry me. Now, what worries me is how many bad days will I have in a row?

How Alzheimer's overwhelms me

If you have Alzheimer's or care for someone who does, you know how important routine is. Last week, my routine was interrupted in a way that caught me off guard.

I went to a very small social function, which I had been to before. I had rested up before I went, knowing I was going to need all the cognitive reserve I could muster. However, upon my arrival, I became overwhelmed very quickly.

The event was held in a different room than I was used to and our seats were in the middle of the room. I was quickly disoriented and by being in the middle of the room the noise was such that I couldn't filter it.

A situation unseen to others

I was with friends who usually can help me navigate the environment, but they were not seeing my distress. I should have insisted on leaving right away but I didn't.  

I knew that my friends would have to leave as well and it was not fair for them to suffer because I couldn't get through the day. I know they would have made arrangements for me but that was the last coherent thought I had for the day. I went silent. I had become so overwhelmed I was incapable of telling my friends what the problem was.

I couldn't out run that PacMan character no matter how hard I tried. I have no recollection of what transpired that day other than at the end of the day I was home, in my safe place.  It took me several days to recover, to feel like myself - whatever that means these days.

Alzheimer's mental fatigue and confusion

When I reflect on my experience it is hard to understand how a small situation can spiral out of control so quickly. With Alzheimer's it can and it can make no sense at the same time. When it gets to that point it is not something that can easily be reigned in.

I hesitated to even write about this because what happened was so trivial, a "normal" person would just be able to go with the flow and not let it affect them. I don't want people thinking I am being petty by such small things, but small things can trigger those of us with Alzheimer's. It is hard to explain.

I share this experience for those of you who are caring for people like me, as prepared as you think you might be, things happen you didn't see coming. You can't plan for it, you just have to help us deal with it the best way you can.