Finding the Right Words With Help From My Brother

Recently I was able to go to Florida for vacation. We went last year so it made since to go to the same place this year as my Alzheimer's has progressed over the last year.

My mother came down with us and then, after a few days, returned home and agreed to stay the evenings at our home with our 2 dogs, one of which is a fairly new puppy. We had made arrangements for the puppy to stay the entire time with someone else, but unfortunately, those plans fell through, and our daughter, housekeeper, and my mother all three took care of our dogs.

A hard time finding my words... sometimes they're not the right ones

Our housekeeper would come during the day to let them out and feed them. She let us know towards the end of our vacation on a Saturday that our puppy had become sick. I became very stressed and worried and it was later in the day ...after 4 pm...not a good time for me. I let my mother know on Sunday evening, again not a good time for me, that once again the puppy has gotten sick several times. I then, through text because I have a hard time finding my words, asked her if she had any plans for Monday. She said she didn't....so I asked her if she could take the puppy to the vet which is a block from our home. She gave me several excuses and questions and I became overwhelmed and frustrated and I did a terrible thing...I said things I would have never said if I didn't have Alzheimer's.

I lashed out like a child and felt terrible for what I had done. I called my mother and apologized, and I went to confession, fearing I had committed a mortal sin. The priest who had recently lost his mother to dementia asked me if, 2 years ago, I would have said those things, and I told him I would never have said such horrible things. He told me not to be so hard on myself and absolved me of my sins.

Finding the right words with the help of my brother

When I returned home I called my mother and she explained that she will no longer have any contact with me. That made me so upset I was afraid to go anywhere or to speak to anyone for fear of hurting them. Fortunately I was able to get in touch with my brother TJ. He has been busy helping to get the American Swim team ready for Paris and was at the trials in Indianapolis when this occurred. When he got home he helped me to draft a note that I now have visitors read before they visit me.

I AM AT THE STAGE IN MY ALZHEIMER'S WHERE I MAY SAY SOMETHING THAT IS UNKIND
I DON'T MEAN TO HURT YOU
PLEASE DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
I ONLY WANT TO DO GOD'S WILL

That way when people come over they will understand. I miss my mother everyday.

This is my story.