I Tried To Do It All as a Solo Caregiver. Here’s What Happened.

You’ve entered the chronically honest, aggressively relatable zone, and I couldn’t be happier to have you here. If you’ve ever felt alone, especially as a solo Alzheimer’s caregiver, then this is the soft place to land that you didn’t know you needed.

As a former full-time caregiver for 12 years to my mom with early-onset Alzheimer’s, I know firsthand how isolating the care journey can feel. Here is how I stopped feeling so alone in solo Alzheimer’s caregiving.

Jumping into fixer mode

I’ve always been a “figure it out” kind of person, so when my mom was diagnosed, I immediately jumped into fix-it Nikki mode. I bought a giant wall calendar from Staples and filled it with walks, trips to accompany my mom to adult care facilities, and healthy meals from the farmers market.

I tried to do everything myself, so I wouldn't “bother anyone.” I told myself I had it under control and that asking for help would just make me a burden, so it wasn’t a surprise when I burned out so fast!

Recognizing the signs of caregiver burnout

Burnout doesn’t make any announcements or flag you down gently. Burnout shows up as exhaustion, short tempers, irritability, dissociation, and sometimes sadness. The gag is, I thought I was being strong—resilient, if you will—when I was actually isolating myself even more. I was making my care journey harder than it already was.

Finding community as a solo Alzheimer’s caregiver

What burnout taught me was that I needed support and community, even though I was the solo, live-in caregiver. For me, that meant being honest with my family and friends about my burnout, joining caregiver support groups, and connecting with other caregivers—specifically, millennial caregivers, as my experience joining support groups with older caregivers always felt like something was missing in the connection.

There is something incredibly healing about sharing with others you don’t have to explain yourself to because they just get it. Being seen and heard for more than my caregiver role helped me feel less alone and more understood by others navigating similar situations.

And here’s what I want you to know: community doesn’t have to look one specific way, especially when you’re navigating solo Alzheimer’s caregiving. It could be a formal in-person or virtual support group, professional therapy, or an online forum. Whatever form it takes, support should feel like it’s serving you.

Practical support: Simplifying daily grooming routines

Support also showed up for me in practical moments, like grooming routines. For example, I kept a basket of bath supplies, including an easy 2-piece lounge set for my mom’s daytime outfit and pajamas for the evening. Keeping a simple capsule wardrobe ready and prepped made it feel like someone else had prepared it, so the daily routine felt intentionally constructed rather than like I was running around looking for clothes my mom would wear.

When I didn’t prepare her OOTD (outfit of the day), I felt incredibly anxious, and my mom felt agitated. Those moments were a reminder of my isolation as a solo caregiver, so preparing for grooming made things feel not as heavy and isolating.

You don’t have to carry this alone

Caregiving is one of the most selfless things a person can do, but you are allowed to need things and say so, too. You don’t have to carry this alone, even when you’re caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s on your own.

If any of this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. And if you found this helpful, share it with another caregiver who needs to read it.